


You're all the things (I've got to remember)

by Sylencia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Car Accidents, Coma, Drugs, Falling In Love, Hospitalization, Hospitals, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Surgery, i just don't know how to tag it, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:14:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 41,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22294636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylencia/pseuds/Sylencia
Summary: Once a month, Madara allows himself twenty-four hours of being someone else. Or, of being himself, if you ask him. To go out, get high and drunk and dance and have hook-ups. But some things aren't meant to last, are they ?
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Comments: 50
Kudos: 199





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So ... I'm not sure what this things is. The Explicit rating really is just for the beginning of the fic, the rest of it is more of a M rating, for mentions of sex and stuff like this. 
> 
> There will be 5 chapters for a total of 41k words.
> 
> The first chapter is quite something ? I really don't know how to describe it all. 
> 
> I was inspired by Black Math's cover of "Strangelove" by Depeche Mode. Title is a line from Take on me, obviously.

The air was saturated with smoke and the room dark. The music blasting so loud the ground seemed to be shaking and the lights flashing so much one would think they weren't seeing properly. It was hard to move around, hard to breath and yet, he was feeling more alive than he ever did before. And he knew it was wrong, to feel this way, wrong to be here, in the state he currently was in, higher than the Hokage tower and his brain nothing but mush anymore but Madara couldn't care less.  
  
For this was his day. The one day of the month he allowed himself this. To forget everything and more and just feel. To let go of everything, forget his limits, his rules, his life and enjoy whatever was coming at him. Twenty four hours of being someone else, but not someone he wasn't either. As he knew this too was part of him, this rotten side of his brain, and he was almost glad his ex managed to show him the truth of who he was. Managed to trigger it all and allow him to experience this.  
  
Years it had been since he and this guy broke up but the feeling remained, as well as the need to live it, again and again. And he wouldn't let go of it for any reason.  
  
Tonight was no different than every other night. The club was too loud and too dark and he was so drunk and so high he wasn't sure where he was anymore. His ears were in pain and his heart beating too fast as he was dancing and there were hands on his hips. And maybe a cock grinding against his ass. That was usual enough and he would be finishing the night in someone's bed, for sure. It was how it always ended, after all. Thoroughly fucked and entirely confused. Then he would go back to his regular life again.  
  
Gods, if his boss had any idea of how debauched he could be. He, the perfect employee, wearing suits and keeping his long hair in check despite the utter mess it was.  
  
There soon were hands on his belt, undoing it and Madara smirked, glancing over his shoulders but not seeing the guy behind him. It was too dark and he was too far gone already. But he felt it easily enough, when his pants were pulled down and his asscheeks pushed aside. He felt a hard cock push into him and he moaned, leaning a little forward to help.  
  
He was already prepared after all. He always came prepared. And the guy was wearing a condom anyways.  
  
It didn't last, or he blacked out a little but Madara then recognized the club's bathroom, his face pushed against one of the stall walls as he was being fucked again. Another glanced above his shoulder and he knew it wasn't the same guy as before but who cared. This too was why he came here, so he could enjoy himself and the raw orgasms that kind of sex could trigger. Regular fucks were boring his head out after all. He sometimes didn't even manage to get it hard when he tried dating cute guys. And here he was, hard as rock and he'd find someone to suck him off later. And he was sure to climax then.  
  
The guy was grabbing his hair and Madara kept moaning, again and again, enjoying every second of it, arching his back and his eyes rolling each time his prostate was being probed. He almost couldn't keep up with the rough pace and Madara was having a hard time breathing at all. He could pass out, he was feeling it but he didn't. Instead, the guy finished himself up, he threw his condom in the toilet and left the stall without a word.  
  
Madara snorted once, then again when he noticed another stranger waiting near the door, for a round with him. Madara looked at him from head to toe then shook his head. He needed a pause. The guy left, rolling his eyes.  
  
Locking the stall door, Madara breathed in deeply. Even here, the music was loud and he was feeling like he was floating around, his soul outside his body. His back to the wall, he let himself slide down, after he pulled his pants up, lit himself a cigaret and he breathed out the smoke slowly. Gods, it felt so good to be here, to forget everything, even if for these twenty four hours. Forget about the routine and the demanded perfection, forget about the stress and the sleepless nights trying to figure things out. He was tired, always so tired and he needed a break. Not just a weekend off, but proper holidays, away from everything, from Konoha, from the city. Somewhere warm and sunny. Somewhere he wouldn't be such a continual mess.  
  
And so he snorted again. Who was he kidding ? He needed this job, despite how much he hated it and it too was why he needed these nights. To forget everything. Even if for a while.  
  
The moment didn't last, as he soon found himself back in the middle of the crowd, dancing, laughing for himself, living as he intended to for the night. Pushing everything away.  
  
That was until he wasn't anymore. Until he was lying down, the air around him so pure, his throat so dry he could barely swallow. Naked, or so he could feel, under a simple sheet and he wondered for how long he blacked out this time. It had happened before, on several occasions, to black out for hours and come back to his wits in unknown places. Sometimes far away from Konoha even and he still wasn't sure what happened these nights. Other times sleeping on top of a pile of tired bodies, his body marked so much he had to use makeup to hide the proofs of his debauchery for weeks.  
  
But it was different, this time. For he was alone and the place felt so serene around him. Not the usual kind of place he woke up in. But he couldn't see, his lids too heavy, his head too painful and Madara tried to move, even if his hands only, in vain.  
  
Then, he heard the distinctive sound of a door opening and Madara wondered if he was in danger, somehow. And oh. He must have come down his high, if he was feeling so, now. Such a shame. He wasn't sure the twenty four hours had passed after all.  
  
"Are you awake ?"  
  
The masculine voice cut the silence sharply despite the soft tone in it. It was a stranger voice, one he sure never heard before, and it was feeling so close, like it was coming from right beside him but far away as well.  
  
"It might be difficult to open your eyes for a moment, if you are trying, you were out for a while," the voice continued. "I am going to grab your hand. Try squeezing my fingers if you are conscious."  
  
The hand that slowly reached for his, delicate fingers sliding between his, was so warm Madara wondered if it wasn't going to burn him but it didn't and the stranger's thumb caressed his wrists and he tried to hold back but he couldn't. It was too hard and the man eventually let go of his hand.  
  
"Guess I'll try again later."

* * *

Madara slept. A lot. It was obvious enough, seeing how sore he was. He never slept that much after all, never had the time to and he was so rested and comfortable in this bed. And nobody was trying to push him out of it, which made him wonder, once more, where he was. He was kicked off beds before, when he remained for too long after being fucked for hours. But not here. Not now and Madara was enjoying himself entirely.  
  
And he couldn't help but think that the guy he has spent the night with was quite .. polite. And attentive. And careful and that sure didn't fit his usual experience but eh, he too had nothing in common with these people, every other day of the month. Maybe that guy was like him. In need of a thrill, once in a while. Then, conforming to the real world again. It wouldn't surprise him, after all. Madara knew better but to trust facades.  
  
His brain still was slow, and slowly going back to its usual settings, as the drugs were fading, as the alcohol was disappearing and he did think about work, he did think of all the consequences this could have. He was pretty sure by now that the weekend had passed and that it was Monday evening. Probably. Which meant he should have worked all day, rather than sleep in an unknown bed, without eating or drinking anything. But. He didn't want to think about it just yet. He'd just have to invent yet another lie, for his boss. He told him his aunt died, the previous month, after all and it worked. Sure, he couldn't say so every time, the man was bad but he wasn't that stupid. But. He would find something. Of course he would.  
  
He had been awake for a while, already, when the door opened, he heard steps. Madara probably could open his eyes this time, but he didn't want to. Opening his eyes would mean going back to reality and he didn't want that. Not yet. Couldn't it last a little longer ?  
  
"Hi," the voice said and Madara wanted to smile, even if for a second. It was this voice again. The guy. Of course it was. Who would it be, if not him ? This was his place, right ? "Can you hear me ?"  
  
Madara didn't answer. He wasn't sure he could talk just yet anyways.  
  
"I am going to grab your hand. Squeeze if you feel it."  
  
The hand again, so warm, so soft and Madara couldn't hold it back, when he squeezed back. Not to confirm he was conscious, no. He was clinging to the warmth. He wasn't cold but that warmth felt amazing. Radiating from that hand and Madara wondered if it felt the same, when the guy fucked him silly. He obviously did. He never went to a guy's place for playing chess after all, did he ?  
  
"Now, that's better," the man whispered and he tried pulling back but seeing how Madara wasn't allowing him to, he sighed. "You can let go now."  
  
Madara didn't. The man huffed.  
  
"Alright, I guess I can stay for a minute. But not long. I have work to do."  
  
Good enough, Madara thought and there was some ruckus. Then the creaking of a chair, as the man seemed to settle near the bed. He didn't care, though. He only clung to the warmth.  
  
"It is good that you are … aware in a way," the man whispered after a while, his tone always so soft, despite how sharp his words were. "You did us quite a scare, you know ? We thought you wouldn't make it."  
  
Madara frowned. Oh so there were other people ? Was he in an orgy ? Ah well. It wouldn't be the first time.  
  
"We've been keeping an eye on you," the man continued, "I .. wanted to make sure you're fine, though."  
  
The man didn't speak again then. Not for a while anyways and Madara wasn't sure he was awake the whole time. He was drifting between sleep and consciousness despite feeling rested, hyperfocused on the hand, on the warmth and wanting nothing more but to be surrounded with it. Couldn't the man come cuddle him ? Wasn't this his bed ? It would be so easy and it would feel so good. The guy could take him too, if he wanted to, as long as he fucked him properly. That'd be glorious. Well, he never had sex in this position but. Surely, if the man was any good, it'd feel amazing.  
  
But it didn't happen. Madara did feel that thumb rubbing his, he did feel the man shifting a little. Until he let go of his hand, cleared his throat.  
  
"Break is over, I must go back now," he said, and he breathed out through the nose. "I'm sorry about your hair."  
  
Did the man pull his hair too hard and ripped some off ? Ah well, it was fine. His hair was big enough to handle some pulling. But his head did hurt a little. Must have been quite fine with him. Quite a bit, even and Madara's eyes started to tickle with unshed tears when he fully realized how painful his whole body was. How intense the pain was. He could have cried. But he heard a slight bip and the pain disappeared again. And he passed out again. Probably.

* * *

There were whispers, this time. Hushed words. Quick and Madara couldn't make any sense out of them but he could hear them still. And recognize the man's voice. The stranger. He was here, again. Was he fighting with another person? Like, a roommate or something ? Where they fighting over him ? Didn't they know he'd take the two of them happily ? He should have told them. He probably did. But people were quick to forget sometimes. Especially when sex was involved.  
  
A door was slammed, Madara heard the creaking of the chair.  
  
"Sorry if this woke you up," the man whispered, low and slow. "Are you even aware ? It's hard to tell lately."  
  
Madara must have done something, he wasn't sure what, he didn't feel like he moved after all but it made the stranger snort. Which was a delicious noise.  
  
"Why are you wiggling your fingers like that ?" He questioned and his tone was so much lighter than before. Was he ? He couldn't feel his fingers. "I don't need to hold your hand, now I know you're aware of my presence."  
  
Madara wanted to huff. He didn't. Could he, even ? Gods, what day was it ?  
  
But then, there was a deep sigh. A very heartfelt one and Madara frowned. He didn't like that sound. Couldn't he suck the guy's cock ? So he could feel better ? One couldn't feel bad when their cock was being sucked and Madara wouldn't even have to move. He'd just open his mouth and the guy could facefuck him. Gods that's be glorious.  
  
"Maybe they're right. Maybe I shouldn't spend so much time here. But … they do know. They should understand."  
  
Wait what ? Oh boy, Madara thought and he wanted to just take his things and leave now. Was the guy in love with him ? But all he had done was lie in his bed for like, four days now ? Without eating or drinking or even going to the toilet ? Without showering ? And he probably smelled a lot by now, it was obvious enough. How could one fall for someone basically being half dead on a bed ? After such a night ? That guy obviously was more a mess than he was.  
  
"Now that made you react, uh ?"  
  
The chair creaked, Madara tried to move away, in vain. But the guy didn't touch him, he didn't try doing anything. Didn't take advantage of his current state of … Madara wasn't even sure. Could he consider this his very welcomed holidays ?  
  
"You …" the man sighed. Then the chair creaked again as he sat back. "You're quite a mystery, you know ? You are fascinating."  
  
Was that even a compliment ? Who used fascinating to compliment !?  
  
"I should go back now," the man eventually said. "You rest well, Madara. I'll come again later."

* * *

It was all such a blur. A big mess of blur and Madara was having a hard time following anything at all. Time didn't exist anymore, the rest of the world neither. And, obviously, he kept blacking out. For it had been a long time now, since that night at the club. A very long one and he couldn't remember eating ever since and that wasn't possible, was it ? To not eat for so long and not starve to death. He obviously ate. He wasn't feeling hungry nor weak. Not the kind of weak one was when hungry anyways.  
  
Maybe it was a sign. For him to just stop ? To stop wanting these twenty four hours of freedom and conform to this life he hated so much ? To go to work during the week and rest during the weekend ? The mix of drugs and alcohol surely got his brain hard, this time and Madara wondered if he should get himself checked, someday. Pass a brain scanner. Make sure he didn't ruin it just so he could feel alive, once in a while.  
  
And, Madara knew, by now, he would have been fired. His boss being the man he was, he wouldn't have waited for him to show up again. He was never patient after all, never merciful and Madara saw him fire people for lesser mistakes. Not going to work for several days, and Madara wasn't even sure how many, sure as hell made him jobless. It was fine, though. He didn't care. He should have quitted long ago after all.  
  
The only anchor in his life, though, was this guy. This guy with his sharp words but his soft tone. Madara was pretty sure he missed some of his visits, sometimes. But. When he was awake, he waited for them. For the man to show up and hold his hand. He didn't do so every time, only when he wanted to know he was awake but when he did, he didn't let go until it was time for him to leave again. And he spoke. Never much, he, apparently, sometimes only did some crosswords and asked Madara for his help on the difficult words but he always said something, at least. And Madara liked his voice.  
  
And the fact the man even knew his name was good. Most of the guys fucking him didn't, after all.  
  
It sometimes helped Madara forget the pain, to listen to that man speak. Madara wasn't sure why his body was so painful sometimes, it made no sense. It wasn't as intense as the first time he felt it but it remained. His head, especially, was often throbbing so hard he wanted to cry but he couldn't. He couldn't do anything, most of the time. Hell he never even answered that guy. And yet, the man continued to talked. Not caring for how silent he was. Not even when Madara wouldn't answer his questions.  
  
It made Madara wonder. What if he did answer but forgot ? What if he did answer him but was too far gone, one way or another, to remember their interactions ? Did he damage his brain so much ? Did he go too far, this time ? He couldn't stop thinking about it. Again and again and again. The guilt eating him alive with each passing moment.  
  
But the man kept coming back to him and Madara sometimes felt eager to hear him again.  
  
He wished he could listen to him talk for hours.

* * *

"You're going to have to leave someday, you know ?"  
  
The whisper was nothing but soft, as always. Murmured, so close, and it snapped Madara out of his thoughts. He had been so focused on the warmth of the man's hand around his. Focused to hold back. To make sure he wouldn't let go of him, else he'd feel lonely again. He had felt so lonely lately, after all. Lonely and tired and now, the guy wanted him to leave? But Madara didn't want to. For if he was jobless, and certainly homeless by now, as he couldn't remember paying rent, he'd better just remain where he was. It never seemed to be a bother after all. The guy never told him to leave. But he was now, wasn't he ?  
  
"It's .. I'm not sure it's a good idea," He then added and Madara felt himself relax, even if a little. So he didn't want him to leave. He hoped. Did he have roommates that wanted him gone ? Worse, a wife ? A husband ? Oh God, what did he got himself into again ?  
  
"But the decision isn't up to me."  
  
Oh, the guy was totally sharing his place. And the others wanted the weird, lazy guy gone. Alright ok. Madara understood. But he didn't want to go. He was feeling good there. Not having to care for anything in particular was good. No choice to make, nowhere to be. Just. This never ending blur. He was loving every second of it. And he was feeling good. How long hadn't he felt that good without being intoxicated ? Long. Way too long. Gods, a third of his life, at least.  
  
The man sighed, eventually.  
  
"I mean. If you showed any sign of .. I don't even know. If you could just .. open your eyes ? Maybe then you could stay ?"  
  
Now that was ridiculous and Madara wanted to roll his eyes. And he did. With his eyes closed. And he wanted to shift, to move closer, because he was feeling cold now and the hand still was so warm but he couldn't. His body ached just to think of it. It ached so much.  
  
Instead of moving, Madara forced himself to relax, so the pain would fade again and he wondered. Why was it so hard to even think of moving ? Surely, he couldn't be that sore. Surely, that guy didn't fuck him so hard on a regular basis that he couldn't move anymore? Now, that'd be something and Madara would probably marry him right away, but. He sounded too soft, sometimes, to be such a good fuck. It usually didn't go together. So it probably was someone else.  
  
What a shame, though. He did sound sweet sometimes. And caring. Yes. Caring. It fitted what he could feel coming from that guy. No one else came talking to him after all. Only him. And Madara didn't even know his name.  
  
So maybe. Just maybe, he could do this for him. It did sound important to him. Which was silly, considering. Why would it be so important for him to open his eyes ? Gods it made no sense, none at all. And Madara didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to make it a big deal. It shouldn't even be one. Why would it be one ? It was only opening his eyes, after all. Show he wasn't sleeping, probably.  
  
Maybe the guy was thinking he was sleeping while he was talking. Squeezing his hand back in reflex. Which would be rude of him. It'd be so rude to ignore such a simple request and Madara thought that maybe, he could do that, yes. Open his eyes. Show the guy he wasn't asleep. That he was listening and thankful for the company, even if it never lasted long. That he enjoyed these .. monologues, as "conversation" didn't exactly work between them. He never answered after all.  
  
And so, Madara made the effort. And it felt like a great effort, to open his eyes, to force his lids to move as they really didn't want to.  
  
It was all blurry at first. A blur like he never saw before. Like he was looking at something underwater but he soon realized that the room was poorly lit. There was only a small lamp turned on behind him and Madara wondered why there was so little light. Was it night time ? Maybe it was. It would make sense. Somehow.  
  
But then he saw him. The guy. The one who had come speak to him for so long. A shapeless form, at first, the lines uncertain but as his eyes got used to the darkness, he saw him more clearly. He saw the white hair and the fair skin. The eyes a color he couldn't describe. The beautiful shape of his face and the curve of his lips. How he was sitting there, close enough but not too close so Madara wouldn't have to move his head to see him. He saw him staring and he tried to smile but didn't manage to. Instead, he continued to stare and he noticed, when his eyes managed to catch them, the soft freckles on his cheeks and the beauty spots on his neck.  
  
Then, Madara looked at their hands. The way his fingers were wrapped around the guy's. How it looked like he was the one holding his hand and not the other way around. He realized they felt soft because they were so delicate. Was this guy using some lotion ? He did have nice hands.  
  
"Madara?"  
  
It wasn't the first time the guy was speaking his name but this time, it felt different. And he looked up at him again.  
  
Did they have sex? Madara couldn't remember. Anything. He had no memory of ever being intimate with this guy and it was bothering him. He didn't always remember everything, when he went out, but he often enough remembered the guys he had sex with. Especially if it happened several times and seeing the time he had spent here, it probably did. Or it didn't at all. And it was why he couldn't remember. Because there was nothing to remember.  
  
This guy, though. He was beautiful. So very beautiful in ways Madara never imagined were possible and he'd kiss all his freckles one by one if he could. And he'd kiss these lips too. He probably was a good kisser. Madara usually knew when someone was a good kisser.  
  
"I … Hi," the man whispered, eventually. His thumb rubbing his fingers. He shifted closer. "Can you talk?"  
  
Madara tried to but the idea made him feel uncomfortable. And painful. So he didn't.  
  
"Do you know where you are ?"  
  
Wasn't that's stupid question ? This was obviously the guy's house. Why would he ask something like that ? He was so weird.  
  
"I told you before but," the man continued when he received no answer, his tone still oh so soft. "My name is Tobirama. I'm …"  
  
He was cut off. Madara wasn't sure what happened, there was ruckus and it was painful and so he closed his eyes again, he tuned it all out. A roommate, maybe. Or the guy's wife. Or husband.  
  
Tobirama. His name was Tobirama. It was nice to finally be able to put a name on a voice. And it was a nice name. 

* * *

Tobirama tried to make him open the eyes again all the time after that one. And he tried hard. Making sure to always hold his hand, as if it was a guarantee it would work. Making small talk first, monologuing about how boring this or that had been. Remaining silent, sometimes but being there. Sitting there, on his creaky chair and all Madara could hear was his breathing and it was fine.  
  
But Madara didn't do it again. Not because he didn't want to. If anything, being able to stare at Tobirama for .. well. The rest of his life was appealing. Tobirama was beautiful and attractive and beautiful again. Madara wouldn't stop of dreaming about him. Every night, all the time, he was all he had in mind. Maybe it was a little too much but Madara couldn't care less. For Gods, this man was so pretty.  
  
But opening his eyes felt too .. much. Like it was too big an effort and he was feeling so lazy. He wasn't even sure he was conscious of all the times Tobirama was around, he probably missed some of his visits. A lot of them, surely.  
  
As Time passed, though, Madara was having more and more a hard time focusing on anything at all. Tobirama's visits were something he always was eager to experience, even if they were short. But then, it was all he could ever remember experiencing lately. He couldn't remember eating not drinking. Going to the bathroom. Standing. Not even sitting up. How couldn't he remember these things ? They were needed. They were needs he was supposed to fulfil if he didn't want to die and he sure as hell didn't want that.  
  
But then, it made him wonder. What if he was dead ? It'd explain why he didn't need these things anymore. Why he couldn't remember anything. It was because there was nothing for him to remember, right ? He was dead and Tobirama probably was an angel. It wouldn't be surprising, he looked like one. So pretty and perfect. Could he date an angel ? Was he going to be sent to hell for wanting to fuck one ?  
  
Tobirama's hand on his, though. That was real. Madara knew it was. It was his anchor to his life, the realest thing that had happened to him lately. And the warmth and the softness of Tobirama's fingers. It was real. Madara knew it was. But then, he didn't know what was happening to him anymore and it was scary.  
  
Tobirama looked nothing like the weird guys usually going to the club, after all. Madara couldn't begin to imagine him going there, not even if he was paid. And he sure didn't want to see him there either.  
  
Then, maybe the drugs really fucked him up. Maybe the last time was the time too many and here he was now.  
  
But Tobirama kept coming. He kept holding his hand. He kept talking and it made Madara feel better. Safe and sane, mostly. He probably wasn't. What sane man would want to give up the one thing making him feel good ? Because he did. These nights a month… maybe he was getting too old for them. He wasn't that old. But he wasn't in his twenties anymore either.  
  
What he was, was a coward. Yes he was. Too used to his relative comfort to quit a job he hated because of the check at the end of the month and thus having to ruin himself once a month so he wouldn't feel too bad about himself. Being fucked by strangers because softness made him feel weak and it was scary. Having to wreck himself up in order to have fun. And most of the times not even remembering what had happened.  
  
Gods he was so fucked up.  
  
"Are you cold ?" Tobirama cut his thoughts short, eventually, and his seat creaked. "Gods I told them to give you more blankets but no, they won't listen.."  
  
Madara would have snorted at the tone. Tobirama always sounded so adorable when he was annoyed.  
  
"Here," he then whispered and Madara shivered hard. For he felt Tobirama lay what he presumed to be a thick blanket on his body. But, more importantly, his hands on his body as he tucked the blanket around his form. His shoulders, his waist and hips. Then his legs and feet. "All better now."  
  
Indeed, Madara wanted to say, and he would have moaned as it felt so good. But he didn't.  
  
"So, what was I saying ?" Tobirama then sighed, grabbing his hand again. "Oh, yes. I've called experts. Asked them their opinion on the case, if there was any chance of getting better afterwards and they were quite positive. They think there shouldn't be too much problems, even. Only confusion, at first. Which I was already aware of."  
  
That all sounded way too complicated. Experts ? Chances ? Of what ? It wasn't helping that Madara wasn't remembering how the conversation was starting. Nor its main subject. He was the one being confused at the moment. And it was frustrating. And tiring.  
  
"So, I'm pretty sure it'll all be fine," Tobirama continued slowly. "What do you think?"  
  
Well. Probably. If Tobirama said so.  
  
"Anyways, I can't stay any longer," Tobirama eventually sighed. "My break is over and I have so much work to do. It .. it's nice to be able to come here and talk. You never answer but. Well. I know you listen. Don't you ?"  
  
Madara wanted to nod. To answer, this time. He wasn't sure why, it probably came from the tone in Tobirama's voice, the soft wonder in his words, as if he was trying to convince himself completely. And Madara wanted to tell him that yes. He was listening. But he didn't. So, he focused on his fingers, where they were wrapped around Tobirama's. He wasn't sure but it was warm so it was good enough to tell him so indeed. And he squeezed. He tried to. He hoped he did.  
  
"Of course you do," Tobirama huffed, his thumb rubbing his skin, then he let go of his hand. He sighed. "Your brother sent me a text earlier. Told me they all would come for you today. I hope it'll cheer you up a little."  
  
Brothers ? Wait.  
  
"Talk to you later Madara."  
  
No, Madara wanted to say. No. Tobirama couldn't leave. Why was he talking about his brothers? Why would they come visit him here !? Sure. They probably were .. well. Wondering where the hell he had disappeared to but to come to this place ? To Tobirama's place ? And visit him like that? No. No, he wasn't some animal in a cage to show around.  
  
Also, why would any of his brothers send Tobirama a text ? Did they know him somehow ? Was it why Tobirama was accepting his presence here so easily ? Because he was friend with one of his brothers ? Gods, he really hoped it wasn't true. He hoped it was a mistake or something of the sort. For he'd never face his brothers again, were they even the slightest aware of this. Of what he did, of his behavior and the alcohol and the drugs and the sex. Half of them looked up to him and the others always joked about protecting him like a damsel in distress ever since they were kids.  
  
He'd be so ashamed if they knew. He'd feel so bad to crush their illusions with his reality.  
  
But Tobirama didn't stay. Madara heard him leave the room, the door closing behind him and it was silent again. He couldn't hear anything but the sound of his breathing. It usually was too silent, when Tobirama was gone. It was even worse today.  
  
His brothers didn't come, though. Or maybe he fell asleep again.

* * *

The room was dark, when Madara opened his eyes. Dark and empty and all he could see was the shadow of a tree on the wall opposite of him. That lone image was enjoyable, though. A tree. A single tree. He liked trees.  
  
The bed wasn't feeling as comfortable as usual and Madara was sore, to be lying there, unmoving. It was as if his whole body was rusted, as of his articulations were blocked. Which was a terrible feeling, considering. He wanted to move. He really wanted to. But the effort was too much and his breathing already was overwhelming enough.  
  
He was warm. He could recognize the weight of that thick blanket Tobirama wrapped him in, the other night, he had gotten so used to it and Madara wanted to stretch, just so he could snuggle even more but he didn't move. The warmth, though. The warmth was good. He didn't always feel warm enough. He often felt cold, even. He liked Tobirama for keeping him warm like that.  
  
He liked him for many other reasons too. For Tobirama seemed to be the only person around who actually spent time with him. Madara couldn't remember leaving this room, and that probably was because he had fucked up his brain, it wouldn't surprise him after all. He never exactly held back when he got his hands on these miracle pills as he liked to call them for himself, when he swallowed them too quickly, and too many so their effect wouldn't take too long to appear and would last. Of course he fucked himself up with them. What did he expect anyways ? That he'd somehow be safe from any bad reaction or effect ?  
  
What a joke.  
  
Tobirama, though. Tobirama visited him, in this bedroom, he sat with him, held his hand and he talked. And it helped. It sometimes made Madara want to move. To show that he was thankful to be welcomed here like that. Tobirama did say once that he wouldn't be able to stay too long but. Here he was still. They didn't push him out, they allowed him to stay. Maybe he did something for them that he couldn't remember ? Or maybe he offered them money. Money always worked. But. He liked it here. And he liked it when Tobirama was around.  
  
And Tobirama was. So beautiful. Madara only had a short memory of him, he only remembered seeing him once but. He still was struck with how beautiful Tobirama was. Never in his life did he see someone that pretty before, he was sure of it. And his voice was the most soothing sound he ever heard and his hand on his always was welcomed. Gods, Madara would date him if he could. Not just for the sex, even, he had come to realize. He'd date him properly. He'd take him to restaurants and museums and theatre, if it was what Tobirama liked. He'd kiss him on his place's threshold like a lovestruck idiot and he'd wish him goodnight every night.  
  
Madara was aware that Tobirama might not want that. Especially if they met at the club, even if Madara couldn't see someone as pure as Tobirama in such a place. But. He'd try his luck anyways.  
  
There was some noise, eventually and it made his head ache for a second but Madara kept his eyes open. Even when the lamp behind him was turned on, even when the light hurt his eyes. He was curious but, also, part of him knew who was there, who was coming for him and his heart started to beat hard when Tobirama appeared in his sight. As beautiful as the last time and, as he was standing, Madara could easily see how tall the man truly was and he liked that. He liked tall guys.  
  
Could Tobirama be even more perfect ?  
  
The chair creaked when Tobirama sat down and he checked his phone quickly, then put it away again. Then he looked up, and he smiled.  
  
"Hi," he whispered. His hand reached for his, he shifted his seat closer even if slightly. Then he looked at him again.  
  
And Madara looked back at him. He truly did. Gods he was so handsome. It shouldn't be allowed.  
  
"Are you smiling ?" Tobirama questioned, as if it were an impossible feat, his eyes scanning his face carefully, his eyes shining with confusion. Madara probably was. Why wouldn't he ?  
  
"They'll never believe me when I tell them, will they ?" Tobirama then breathed out, and he seemed to hesitate for a moment but he didn't move. "It's fine if they don't. As long as your brothers do."  
  
Again, Tobirama was talking of his brothers. Why was he talking of his brothers ? Madara was feeling so embarrassed and uncomfortable. He didn't want them to see him like that. He didn't want them to witness his weakness and Tobirama frowned, looking behind him, then he cleared his throat.  
  
"That's one strong reaction, isn't it," he muttered for himself, before he focused on him again. "Don't worry, Madara. Everything's fine."  
  
Was it, though ? Was anything fine at the moment ? He was all but hiding in a stranger bedroom, barely leaving that damn bed because, of course he had to leave it to at least eat and drink and go to the bathroom. And he couldn't remember a thing, his brain too fucked up now. So no, it wasn't fine at all. Nothing was fine. Why was Tobirama saying it was ? Couldn't he see ?  
  
"No, Madara, please, calm down," Tobirama whispered, shifting closer, his fingers squeezing his. "Breath, just breath."  
  
Madara did as he was told but only because it was all he could do. Breath and calm down. Only because Tobirama was asking to.  
  
But he wasn't feeling good anymore. He wasn't sure he had felt good before, he did feel happy to see Tobirama again, but it was all gone now. And all that remained was the emptiness down his heart. The emptiness of being here, alone most of the time. Gods, he missed his brothers, he truly did and he wanted to see them again. Soon. But when would he dare leaving this place ? When would he go back to his life ? He didn't want to. He didn't want to go back to that job he hated so much but he couldn't do anything else, could he ? He needed the paycheck and that one was good. How would he pay for his flat if he didn't have it anymore ? Hell, who was even paying for it at the moment? His brothers ? Gods he hoped they weren't. It was expensive and they didn't have that kind of money. And he truly hoped they resigned his rent when they realized he wasn't coming back just yet.  
  
He'd rent another when he'd have to. It shouldn't be a problem.  
  
"Madara," Tobirama called his name and he grabbed his attention again. Madara focused on him and his heart settled to a slower pace. Tobirama checked behind him, he sighed.  
  
"Better," he whispered, his second hand joining the first, and he leaned forward a little, looked at him in the eyes. "Better. I understand, I won't talk of them again. Now, why don't I tell you about what happened the other night ?"  
  
Madara tried to frown, curious now. Tobirama's smile widened slightly.  
  
"It's silly, really," he sighed, looking away, embarrassed. "Well, apparently, a cat decided to settled at my place. A female cat. And she had a whole litter of tiny kittens. So I apparently now own a cat and four babies."  
  
Well. That was the most adorable thing Madara had heard lately. Tobirama didn't even seem bothered with it, he didn't even seem like he ever thought of just making them go. The cat had settled and he had accepted his fate. And now had five cats. Lucky. Madara loved cats. But he couldn't have one, as his flat's owner refused pets in their places.  
  
"I've never had a pet before," Tobirama admitted after a second and a shrug. "My father never liked them but. I've had wanted a cat forever, after my brother got his. And now I have five. I'll take them to the vet when I can, make sure they're all good. I hope they are. They're the cutest little things ever."  
  
Of course they were and Madara wanted to see them now. Couldn't Tobirama bring them here, in this bedroom? They surely weren't too far away, were they ? Couldn't he bring them so they'd snuggle with him ? He'd love that. He really would.  
  
"Oh wait, I have a picture," Tobirama was quick to add after a pause and he pulled his phone from his pocket, searched for an instant. "Just look at them," he instructed, showing the screen and it did hurt Madara's eyes, it was too bright. But he saw the cat and her kittens. And they indeed were beautiful. Madara wanted nothing but to hug them.  
  
Tobirama put his phone away, eventually. He leaned back in his chair, turning his head away. Never letting go of his hand, which was good.  
  
"It … it's starting to be a long time since you've arrived here, you know," Tobirama said and his tone was too serious now. Madara didn't like it. "And the longer you stay, the more difficult it'll be to go back to your life. And maybe you have your reasons. You surely do. It's hard to tell, I don't know you. But. It's not a good thing, you know. And .. I'm not even sure why I'm telling you this. The others say you listen to me and I know you do but. Would it be ever enough to ask you to wake up ? Would you ever do it for me ?"  
  
Wake up ? Was it how Tobirama was calling his current state ? That .. lifeless existence he had fallen into since that night at the club, where he couldn't remember anything, not even eating ? Ah well, it did have a poetic ring to it. He never thought Tobirama was anything of a poet but. He probably had been mistaking. And Tobirama kept surprising him.  
  
But waking up .. he didn't want to. It didn't feel right to leave this place. How would he ever see Tobirama again, if he woke up ? How would they ever have these moments anymore ? These perfect moments where he listened to Tobirama's perfect voice in silence and it was all he could hear. He didn't want to lose that. He didn't want to go.  
  
But Tobirama was asking him to. And. It was the least he could do, wasn't it ?  
  
"I…" Tobirama sighed, he squeezed his fingers. "I have to go back now. Rest well."  
  
Then he was gone again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Tags updated)
> 
> (Obito is not an Uchiha in this fic.)

Madara never felt as uncomfortable as he was ever before. Nothing was right and he was confused.  
  
The sun was high in the sky or so he could see from the nearby window and the sky was so blue. It was such a pretty, pretty blue. He had seen the creaky chair when he had opened the eyes and then had seen the sky and he had felt at peace for a while. But then .. then Madara had seen everything else.  
  
The bed. The machines. The tubes entering his body and he didn't understand. He couldn't understand a single thing.  
  
Why was he on a hospital bed ? In a hospital gown ?  
  
What happened ? What the hell had happened to him ? Why wasn't he at Tobirama's place anymore? Did Tobirama throw him out somehow ? Did he got sick of him and threw him out and he ended in a hospital ? Oh please, he didn't want that. He actually liked Tobirama. And his voice and his looks. Liked in ways he didn't even think of sex while looking at him and it was scary but he had grown used to it with time. He liked him. And here he was now.  
  
It was hard to breath and he was crying. He could feel the tears run down his cheeks and his lungs burn. Gods it was so painful and Madara wanted nothing but to fall asleep again. He didn't want to be awake anymore. He didn't want that.  
  
But. Tobirama had asked him. He had asked him to wake up and he did and now he was in a hospital. Why ? Why ? What did he do wrong ?  
  
The door opened, so quickly that Madara startled on the bed, hurting his neck when he looked away from the sky, and his fingers were clenched on the sheets. He couldn't calm down and Madara could barely see now, through the blur as his tears were running freely. But he recognized a nurse. Maybe. And she placed gentle hands on his shoulders.  
  
"Sir, everything is fine, don't worry, calm down," she was speaking softly, "It is normal you are feeling disoriented. I will call the doctor."  
  
And she did and the doctor came and Madara tuned it all out. But soon, he was feeling better. Calmer and Madara realized they had given him a sedative. Probably. And he slept again.

* * *

The hospital room still was the same, when he woke up again. A hospital room and Madara was having a hard time accepting it. He couldn't understand why he was here. It was all so confusing and impossible and he didn't like it. He didn't want to be there, he was hating every second of it and Madara was feeling so bad.  
  
The nurse had come again several times. To feed him, to give him something to drink and chat a little. Madara wasn't sure how long it had been since the moment he woke up, and he wasn't sure why he had woken up here but he wasn't answering any of her questions. It wasn't that he didn't want. If anything, talking was everything he wanted to do, he had tons of questions. But. He could barely hold back the tears most of the time and he wasn't sure he wouldn't not cry if he tried to talk.  
  
And Madara felt like turning around and pretend to sleep again, when he heard the door. But he didn't and his heart ached, when he saw Izuna. And he cried, so hard as Izuna was quick to come to him and hug him tight.  
  
"Oh God, Madara, you're back," he whispered, hiding against his neck and crying as much as Madara was. "I've missed you so, so much."  
  
Madara hugged back. Because it was all he could do, because it was all that mattered and he closed his eyes and he waited, feeling so good between his brother's arms, feeling the best he had in a long time. And this was right, it was so right and he wanted nothing but that at the moment.  
  
He wasn't feeling any shame, he wasn't feeling any discomfort. Only the relief to be around his closest brother again.  
  
And Izuna kissed his head, he kissed his hair, running his fingers through it, he rubbed his back slowly, in circles. It was hard to pull away but they did and Izuna looked at him in the eyes, he pushed their foreheads together.  
  
"I couldn't believe it when they called me. The others will come tomorrow, the doctors said it'd be too much for you if we all came today," Izuna muttered, the words spilling out of his lips without being to hold them back it seemed. "I'm so .. I'm so happy Madara. You have no idea how happy I'm feeling."  
  
Madara parted his lips, and his throat was so tight, it was so hard to breath and it took him several tries to emit a single sound. But he had to, he wanted to talk, he wanted to say something, he had to. It felt like he hadn't talked in weeks and Madara closed his eyes, he pushed his head against Izuna's shoulder.  
  
"What .. happened ?" He croaked, as Izuna was now caressing his hair, settling up on the bed with him. "I'm .. hospital .. I don't …"  
  
"Shhh," Izuna comforted him, holding him close and kissing his head again. "Calm down, I'll tell you everything. But you need to calm down first."  
  
Madara nodded, or maybe he shook only, his body feeling so weak, his head a little light. This was all so overwhelming and he had no idea why he was here and he needed to know.  
  
"Where .. where's Tobirama ?" He then mumbled, the name foreign on his tongue but familiar to his mind. He couldn't .. he couldn't just believe Tobirama had thrown him out. Tobirama always was so kind with him. Talking and not pushing him for answers. Smiling and being so beautiful. Did he push his limits too much ? Did they have a fight ?  
  
"Tobirama ?" Izuna repeated, pulling away slightly to look at him in confusion. Then, it seemed to hit him. "Oh, do you mean the Doctor Senju ?"  
  
Madara didn't know so he didn't answer. Was Tobirama a doctor ? It wouldn't be too surprising. Madara wasn't sure why. Izuna smiled.  
  
"I know he visited you a lot but I didn't think anyone had told you his name," he stated with a slight smirk. "But .. first .. what do you remember ?"  
  
Madara frowned and his head fell against Izuna's shoulder again, to which Izuna answered with another kiss in his hair and a soft hand at the nape of his neck.  
  
"I was .." Madara hesitated. He didn't want to tell his brother about that night but Izuna probably knew already. "I was downtown, in that club. Having .. fun. Then I blacked out and woke up at Tobirama's place. I .. I don't remember much. I know he spoke to me a lot. And then I woke up here."  
  
There was a silence. A long one during which Madara wasn't sure he was completely conscious. Izuna's presence was soothing him so much, his slow breathing rocking him to fall asleep again and his body was so weak and his mind so blurry, the memories mixed and making no sense at all. And he was tired. Oh so tired.  
  
But Izuna wasn't saying anything anymore. His hand still was moving on his neck, his nose against his hair and he was obviously awake. But. He wasn't talking and it took Madara a moment to pull back, as slowly as he could because his head was throbbing, he looked into Izuna's eyes for answers.  
  
Izuna looked away.  
  
"It's … not exactly what happened," Izuna stated, and Madara's heart ached, when his brother looked at him in the eyes, when he saw his deep sorrow and sorriness. "You .. never went to his place."  
  
"Yes I did," Madara was quick to nod, and he frowned. "I did. And the drugs probably fucked my brain up. But. I was there."  
  
"No, Madara, you …" Izuna pinched his lips, he rubbed his forehead. "You had .. an accident. You were hit by a car, you had one hell of a head trauma and several broken bones. And then you were in a coma."  
  
"No, I wasn't," Madara huffed. Surely, Izuna wsw mocking him. "I remember .. I remember ..," he repeated, his head so painful by now. But he wasn't remembering anything. Only Tobirama's visits. The feel of his hand on his. The sound of his voice. His beautiful face.  
  
"The doctors said you would be disoriented for a long time," Izuna offered him a tiny smile. "But .. it is what happened. We weren't sure where you were that night, you never answered our calls but then the hospital contacted me. They spoke of the accident, of the people who called the ambulance. Of the surgery and the time it would take for your body to heal. And the coma."  
  
"No," Madara breathed out shakily.  
  
"The Doctor Senju was the one who fixed you up," Izuna stated. "He kept us updated on your state, told us about your signs of awareness, like when he held your hand or saw you open the eyes. He was .. a very good support."  
  
"But .." Madara trailed, scratching his hair.  
  
And he scratched and again. Until he realized his hair wasn't the same anymore. That there was a strange place on the side of his head and he looked into Izuna's eyes, in fear. What .. what was this ?  
  
Izuna, though, only sighed slightly. He grabbed his hand, softly pushed it against a now hairless line running from the top of his head to the back, with the hair around it feeling shorter than the rest of his mane.  
  
"He did what he could, I guess but he said the scar would remain," Izuna explained, leaving it to Madara to feel his new scar on his own after a second. "And he was so sorry to have to shave your hair around it. But he had to, for the surgery. Your skull was broken you know. You have a metal plate under the skin now and they gave you some morphine when you showed signs of pain. You had a machine giving you regular doses at first. "  
  
Madara was shaking. This was too much information, too much to handle. He was so confused, half his brain still resisting, not believing his brother's words but the other knowing they were the truth. Izuna wouldn't lie to him. Not like that.  
  
"It's growing back quickly enough, though," Izuna added then, with a small smile. It was that moment Madara realized he was missing some important information.  
  
"How .. how long," he articulated through his tight throat, swallowing hard.  
  
"Ah," Izuna lost his smile, he looked away. "A little more than five months."  
  
Five months. Five months ? But it was so long. It was such a long time and he couldn't believe it, he couldn't accept it but Madara couldn't not believe his brother. Izuna was looking too embarrassed to be lying and he wouldn't be lying about this. Why would he ?  
  
But five months .. it was such a long time. Such an impossible time and Madara had felt like only a week or two had passed. It wasn't easy to exactly feel Time, with only Tobirama's visits to give him any hint of its passing but. Still. Five months was so long. And five months, here, in this bedroom ?  
  
Eventually, Madara looked around himself, as he hadn't done so properly ever since he had woken up, a couple of days ago. He saw the bouquets of flowers, on the table near the window, he saw his necklace on the medicalized bedside table. And he scratched his head again, pinching his lips, he folded his legs up on the bed.  
  
He was feeling so confused. So uncomfortable with it all. To learn he had such a bad accident, and spend five months in a coma. It was too much.  
  
Izuna was quick to tighten his hold on him. To push more kisses against his head, to rub his back and Madara leaned against him, feeling new tears poke up.  
  
"I spoke with your doctor," Izuna eventually stated, his tone as soft as it could get. "He said they'll have to keep you for some time, make sure your body is functioning correctly. Make sure your brain wasn't damaged. Then, you could come live with me. Until you're ready to .."  
  
"I'm .. not going back to work," Madara mumbled, half muffled against his brother's shoulder. "I'm not going back to my place."  
  
"Madara …"  
  
"I won't," Madara stated, hoping to sound as decided as he was.  
  
Izuna sighed but only in acceptation. "Alright," he nodded. "You are entirely welcomed at my place. I'll prepare the spare bedroom for you and I'll take care of you."  
  
They didn't talk much more for the rest of the time Izuna was around. Madara had started to feel so tired after a while. Tired to be moving, to be sitting even, despite how Izuna had been holding up most of his weight and tired to have talked so much. It wasn't surprising, considering how long it had been since the last time and a physiotherapist did come during the afternoon to help him exercise, saying it was a way to keep his muscles strong enough to carry him.  
  
But the truth was, Madara was lost in thoughts.  
  
With everything Izuna had told him in the afternoon, the accident, the trauma, the coma, everything he had thought he was experiencing was being questioned. And he believed his brother's words when he said he never went to Tobirama's place, he did. But the thought of .. having spent so much time with him had been pleasing, in a way. How he had imagined being in his bed and barely leaving it, to be able to forget about everything he hated about his life in a different way. It had been for that reason that he went to the club, once a month. To make his life livable, to breath out from weeks of feeling terrible. But. He had enjoyed the thought of being at a stranger's house and living there freely and not remembering and having Tobirama visit him often.  
  
It all had been wrong, though. None of that happened. And he did feel bad about it.  
  
For he liked Tobirama. In ways he hadn't liked anyone in a long time.  
  
Izuna, when the nurse came to announce the visitation hours were over, didn't want to let go of him. He struggled, glaring at the poor woman, stating in a harsh tone that he hadn't been able to spend this kind of time with his brother for too long, that he could stay there, sleep in the chair if he had to. But she insisted, threatened to call the security and Izuna did have to go. He promised to come back the next day, along with the rest of their siblings. Madara barely nodded and he fell asleep the moment he was alone again.

* * *

Madara couldn't sleep at night and the nurses kept pestering him about it. His doctor as well, the woman who had kept an eye on him during his coma and was, apparently, specialized in traumas of the sort he had gone through. She was a sweet woman, even if she looked tired most of the time and she was understanding when he explained that it wasn't that he didn't want to sleep. She had said, in reassurance, that sleeping wouldn't lead to another coma now, that he shouldn't be afraid of it. But he explained how it wasn't how he was feeling, that he just couldn't sleep at night and had no problem sleeping during daytime and she didn't push it.  
  
She probably had noticed something, somehow. In his tone or his expression because she did stare for a moment, then let it go. Saying that as long as he was getting rest, even if during the day, and ate enough, she wouldn't sedate him or force him to adopt a normal rhythm. That it was normal he was having troubles following a normal sleep pattern after all.  
  
His brothers visited. All of them, reunited, and his small hospital bedroom suddenly felt tiny. It had been almost too much, almost too big a meeting for Madara to handle it. But he went through with it because he hadn't wanted them to feel bad. To tell them he didn't want to see them. Because he did want it. He did feel happy seeing his brothers but he had been so overwhelmed, with them all fussing around, asking if he needed anything so many times that Madara eventually tuned everything out.  
  
And Madara wasn't sure for how long he would remain at the hospital. He wasn't feeling too bad, even if weakened, and he had physiotherapy everyday and his doctor wanted him to go walk as much as he could. Eating real food also helped, Izuna smuggling in his favorite chocolate for when he was alone. He hadn't dared asking his doctor, though, as he wasn't sure what to do with whatever answer she would provide him with. For, going home, even if home would be sharing Izuna's for a while, was appealing. It was and Madara liked his brother's place, that old little house he has bought at the outskirts of the city, that he was fixing up slowly for himself. It was a peaceful place, almost in the countryside but close enough to the city still. And it had many trees.  
  
But, part of him didn't want to leave the hospital just yet. For, there was something he couldn't stop thinking about, something he couldn't shake and was probably keeping him awake all night long. And he knew exactly what it was.  
  
Tobirama.  
  
It still was strange to him, to have such vivid memories of the man and his visits, now knowing he had been in a coma. To think that his mind had been so awake when Tobirama had sat close, so receptive, to remember the touch of his fingers on his hands and the sound of his voice while he couldn't even remember his brothers visiting. To think he had awoken from his state because Tobirama had asked him to. Madara was convinced of it, he had unconsciously decided to wake up only because Tobirama had asked him to. It was that sort of certainty one couldn't shake, even despite how illogical it could be.  
  
And, also, Madara couldn't stop thinking of how much his thoughts had changed. From the lust driven thoughts he had first, to only enjoying his monologues, his touch and the sound of his voice. Even now, even after that time not meeting with him, Madara, as upset as he was feeling, couldn't stop thinking of Tobirama, and how he wanted to finally, finally be able to have a real conversation with him and not just a one sided monologue. And he had so many questions, and he wanted Tobirama to tell him about the kittens and how they were faring. He even wanted to see the cats. Gods he'd love that so much.  
  
And for a moment, he had thought Tobirama would visit him. He did come so many times for him, sat by his side and talked, for reasons unknown to Madara. What pushed him to first, at least, Madara didn't know. But Tobirama did said he enjoyed spending time there after a moment. Which was why he couldn't understand why Tobirama wouldn't visit him, now he was awake. It made no sense and Madara was getting restless.  
  
His nighttime nurse was one gentle guy. Because of his strange sleep pattern and how his doctor had said it wasn't too bad if he didn't sleep at night as long as he managed to rest during the day, Madara had been assigned a nurse during nighttime who would helped him eat as it sometimes was a bit harsh on his muscles still, wash up and keep him company. And the guy, whose name Madara never managed to remember, was quite nice. He helped him lots, even if, most of the time, he was merely reading while Madara was lost in thoughts. But he answered his every questions and never kept anything away from him. Even the harsh truths, especially the ones about how things were when he was in the coma, how nurses took care of him. Never harshly or anything. But Madara was glad not having been conscious during these times.  
  
Tonight was one of these nights where the nurse was sitting on the exact chair Tobirama had used so many times. Madara could recognize its creaking so easily, it was such a familiar sound to him by now and it was always bringing back strong memories of these moments with Tobirama. And Tobirama was all but plaguing his mind. He was all he could think about. And he glanced at his nurse, away from his crosswords as, apparently, stimulating his brain with puzzles and stuff was good, he cleared his throat.  
  
"So …," he trailed, shifting slightly. "I .. you …"  
  
"Have you forgotten my name again ?"  
  
Madara snorted because of the amused tone. "Sorry."  
  
"Ah it's fine," the nurse shrugged, offering him a cheeky smirk. "Obito."  
  
"Yes. Obito," Madara repeated, hoping to remember this time. "I .. wanted to know. Is Tobira- .. doctor Senju around tonight ?" He was quick to correct himself. He wasn't supposed to call a stranger by his name like that. It wasn't proper, right ?  
  
"I don't know," Obito admitted, then he propped his head on his hand. "He's a surgeon and his wing is like, on the other side of the hospital. I can go and check though, if you like. And if you behave."  
  
Madara huffed. "I'm not a child."  
  
"Remind me what you tried to do the last time I left you alone for five minutes ?" Obito rolled his eyes, eyeing him.  
  
"... Stand," Madara muttered, looking away.  
  
"And what aren't you allowed to do when you're alone ?"  
  
"I needed to pee, alright ?" Madara groaned. "I don't like having to call the nurses to help me. It's .."  
  
"I know," Obito offered in a soft tone. "But it's a long recovery, your muscles were inactive for a long time despite the exercises. You need to take it slow. Now, I'll go check at the desk if they can call the doctor Senju's wing, see if he's on duty tonight. Don't you dare moving."  
  
With that, Obito was quickly gone and Madara sighed. At least, he thought, Obito hadn't questioned it. But Madara couldn't help thinking maybe Obito only thought that he wanted to thank the doctor for what he had done for him. He did fix him up pretty well, after all, despite the huge scar on the side of his head. But he'd rather keep a scar for the rest of his life than to be dead. And it did make him look kind of badass, with how shorter his hair was because of it and how it was messily growing back. Madara liked that look and he knew his former boss would hate it. But he sure as hell wouldn't be going back there.  
  
Madara stayed on his own for a long time. A very long time, as the minutes were ticking and his thoughts running wild. For he couldn't help thinking that, maybe, Tobirama didn't want to see him. That maybe he had been comfortable around him only because of his state, that, maybe, he had wanted to study him in a way. He did say he was fascinating after all. And he was a doctor. A case like his probably was rare enough, wasn't it ? Madara wasn't sure and he didn't want to find out. He was only thankful to be alive, seeing how violent the accident must have been, and well. And he owed it to Tobirama, as Izuna had said he had been the one to fix him up.  
  
But the moment his bedroom's door opened, Madara knew it was Tobirama. From the way he pushed down the handle, the way he pushed the door and he looked up, his heart beating fast for no reason, his hands tickling in need for the familiar warmth of Tobirama's and he gulped down his nervosity, when he looked at Tobirama, when he saw him properly for the very first time.  
  
But Tobirama was exactly how he remembered. The white hair, the eyes a color he couldn't describe, the freckles on his cheeks and the overwhelming beauty. Gods he was so handsome and tall as he remembered the blouse was doing wonders on him.  
  
Madara felt breathless for an instant, when their eyes met. Breathless and hypnotised and he knew it was stupid, he barely knew the man after all, he wasn't even sure what he wanted to tell him. But Tobirama had come for him. All the way from his wing, as Obito had hinted it wasn't too close. And he was standing there, at the foot of his bed, his hands joined in front of him.  
  
So close, yet so far. Too far. He was putting a distance between them and Madara glanced at the nearby chair, wondering why Tobirama wasn't coming to sit there. But he didn't ask. For as soon as the moment passed, as soon as he was able to think again, he felt the awkwardness, he noticed how uncomfortable Tobirama was. And he cleared his throat.  
  
"I ..," he started, still unsure what he wanted to say. He had so many questions, so many to answer as well from when he had been in the coma. But he glanced up at Tobirama again, at how closed off he was. And he sighed in defeat. "My brother said you're the one who fixed me up. And .. I wanted to thank you. I .. thank you."  
  
"I've only done my job," Tobirama answered and his voice, as familiar it sounded, was lacking the softness Madara knew so well. "I .. must go back, if that's all you wished to tell me. I have a surgery planned in an hour."  
  
"Sure," Madara mumbled, trying to ignore how tight his throat was, how terrible he was feeling from that oh so short meeting. And be watched, as Tobirama turned around, as he approached the door and he sighed. "Don't worry about the hair, though. It's growing back nicely."  
  
Tobirama froze for a second. He looked at him from above his shoulder, a quick glance, a frown. Then he left the room and Madara slammed his hand against his face, because of how cringy this meeting had been. Gods it had gone so badly. And he winced, as it hurt him, he choked and cursed.  
  
"You ok in there ?" Obito passed the head through the door, a concern air on the face.  
  
"Could you leave me alone for a moment ?" Madara articulated between two curses and Obito hummed. "I'm not moving. Just. I want to be alone."  
  
"Alright, alright," Obito sighed. "Call if you need anything. I'm not coming to help you if you can't pick yourself up though."  
  
"Brat."  
  
The last thing he heard was Obito's laughter when he closed the door.

* * *

The weekdays were the worst. For, because of their respective lives, his brothers couldn't visit him as often. They did have special permissions at first, their bosses understanding enough to allow them to go meet their brother who had just awoken from a five months long coma. But that time had passed and Madara was bored to the death.  
  
All in all, he wanted to leave. To be allowed out, to settle at Izuna's place and rest there. He could ask a physiotherapist to come there for his daily exercise, even the one working with him at the hospital and it would be a better setting for him to continue his healing process. Not that his body needed much anymore besides exercising, if anything, the broken bones had properly consolidated during his coma and the fact he hadn't been moving had helped quicken the process, as there hadn't been weight on them nor any form of pressure. Izuna did tell him the list of them that had needed a fixing and Madara was glad he didn't have to suffer all that pain. Or, more likely, that he couldn't remember any of it or just slightly.  
  
But he had met a psychologist. Because of the toxicology test they had performed on him upon his arrival. And she was good as fuck and had been able to determine that he did need some help to cope with the whole situation. With the fact he had been unconscious for so long, how disoriented he still was sometimes, how hard it was to him to think of returning to his life, even if he had already decided not to. That he wouldn't go back to his work, nor his place. She had sensed a great distress in his words and had eventually cracked his shell and had him admit what he had been doing at the club. So high and drunk, having hookups with total strangers like that.  
  
And so, she had him speak of it. Again and again. Of how bad he was feeling and despite how taxing it was, he usually ended entirely drained of all energy after a session and Obito had to push him in a chair so he'd be able to go back to his room. And it helped, she kept saying. And staying at the hospital, in this sheltered space, would help him as well.  
  
Madara wasn't stupid. He knew it was a way to keep an eye on him. That she feared he might go back to his old habits the moment he'd be alone again. And she probably was right. He didn't know. Nothing was certain lately.  
  
Expect one. Obito was a brat. And a terrible one. But Madara was fond of him, somehow. He was a good distraction and of good company.  
  
Tonight, though, was one of these nights where nothing was feeling any right. He was restless, unable to focus on anything, not even the book he had been reading, that he was enjoying so much, and Obito, by his side, kept glancing at him. Which was annoying.  
  
"Will you stop," Madara muttered after a moment, pushing his book away and pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing. "You're pissing me off."  
  
"When am I not," Obito rolled his eyes, snorting.  
  
"Are you sure you aren't an Uchiha ? Because you do sound like one," Madara continued on the same tone, eyeing the other man. He had asked several times before and Obito answered no everytime. Madara still was doubting it.  
  
"Sure as hell."  
  
Madara sighed. He rubbed his forehead.  
  
"What do you have in mind ?"  
  
"I should return you the question," Obito closed his book, to look at him fully. "You've been so moody lately. What got into your pants ?"  
  
Madara huffed, he rolled his eyes. "No one, obviously, since you've been following me around all that time."  
  
"Is it that then ? Are you frustrated ?"  
  
"You brat," Madara shook his head, then he sighed. "I'm just .. tired. Mostly."  
  
"You don't look tired to me," Obito stated with a glance. "Only … annoyed. Like something's bothering you."  
  
Madara didn't answer for a moment. Because he was annoyed and bothered and he did try talking about it with the psychologist but didn't manage to. It wasn't an easy topic after all. Not to him. If anything, it was more complicated to speak of this, than to tell her about how he had enjoyed the state he found himself in when at the club.  
  
Then, he looked at Obito again and he rubbed his face.  
  
"Do … you know the doctor Senju ?"  
  
If the question was surprising Obito, he didn't show anything. He merely looked at him, thoughtful, as if trying to read his thoughts. But he merely shrugged.  
  
"Barely," he eventually answered. "Mostly because we're not working in the same wing, Konoha's hospital is big. But I've heard a lot about him."  
  
Madara nodded, thoughtful. Obito smirked.  
  
"Wanna know ?"  
  
"Why would I ?" Madara huffed, trying to sound annoyed and probably failing.  
  
"Please," Obito laughed. "The whole hospital knows he was visiting you every night. We even wondered if you knew him before you arrived but one of your brothers said he thought not. And you've asked to see him. So, obviously. You want to know."  
  
Madara didn't answer, trying to play disinterested. He probably wasn't playing well enough, as Obito was smirking.  
  
"He's .. a very good surgeon," Obito started with. "A genius one, even, he's come up with complexe procedures and he's renowned in his field. What he did with you, from what I heard, is going to be published in an article."  
  
".. Is it ?" Madara blinked, straightening a little. Now, that was something.  
  
"You arrived in quite a state," Obito nodded slowly. "I have a friend in the ER, she said she never saw anything like this. She helped stabilize you before you went into surgery. No one thought you'd make it, really. But. The doctor Senju took care of you and saved you. The coma wasn't avoidable, though."  
  
Tobirama did save him, Madara thought as he was joining his hands on his lap and trying to absorb everything Obito was telling him. Sure, Izuna had said so before but. Hearing it from someone from the medical field was something. Obito was a nurse after all and even if Madara still wasn't sure what his speciality was, he probably saw many things before. Things Madara wasn't sure he wanted to know about.  
  
"Now, if you want to know something more .. personal about him," Obito continued with a smirk, "I've heard that he's a loner. It's rare to see him smile or even interact with people when he doesn't have to. He never looks unhappy with it, though. It is just how he is."  
  
Madara nodded. But he had seen Tobirama's smile and Tobirama had spent so much time with him. And he didn't understand why, now Obito had said this.  
  
They fell in easy silence, as Madara was lost in thoughts and Obito didn't seem to know much more about the man. But Madara was feeling a little less uncomfortable, as his nurse hadn't teased him too much with the subject. Because as professional as Obito could be, he too was friendly and the two of them were getting closer. Friends was a good term to describe them now and it was an easy friendship. Madara didn't have to overthink anything, he didn't have to wonder if he would be hurting Obito's feelings. Obito took it all, his remarks, his sometimes harshness, his moods and handled it all well. Madara knew he wasn't the best friend one could have, he was aware his personality wasn't easy to deal with. But Obito called him out on his bullshit whenever it was necessary and never seemed to take his remarks too seriously anyways. He was detached, even if caring. Madara liked that.  
  
"Do you want me to go check if he's working tonight ?"  
  
Madara didn't hesitate. He looked away, he shook his head.  
  
"No."

* * *

It took another whole month for his doctors to allow his departure from the hospital. Madara passed many exams, to make sure his body had fully healed, blood tests, a psychiatric evaluation.  
  
If anything, Madara was eager to go home. Mostly because he wasn't going back. He had resigned his lease and had quitted his job, officially. Instead, as promised, Izuna had prepared him his guest room, had brought his clothes there as well as his important belongings like his laptop and the coffee machine he liked so much, he had made sure to put his furnitures in storage for when Madara would want to live on his own again.  
  
This was his last night in his hospital room. His last night in this not so comfortable bed, with Obito keeping him company. They had planned to meet sometimes, Obito did grow very fond of him with time after all, and he did say he'd feel bad if they didn't meet again. Madara pestered him about it, trying to hide how touched he was. Of course he'd miss him, if they didn't meet again. They spent all that time together, after all when he couldn't sleep at night. They became friends. Madara wouldn't want not stay in touch with Obito.  
  
Obito wasn't working tonight, though. Which was fine, as Madara had managed to adjust his sleep pattern a little better and did sleep during nighttime. Sometimes. He usually fell asleep after midnight, though, which meant he always woke up late but it was better than before, and the doctor was satisfied enough with it.  
  
It didn't mean he wasn't bored, though, as he was sitting in his bed, trying to focus on his reading. He liked that book, it was one of his favorites but he was too distracted to read. He had a lot in mind. Leaving the hospital was a big step, after all.  
  
Madara hadn't expected the knock at his door and it startled him. His book closed, he frowned, half annoyed and glared at the door. There was nothing planned for the night, seeing as he was leaving tomorrow. No examination, no meds. He was a bit hungry but had his dinner already and he had grown used to the hospital food and how hard it was to smuggle anything to him. Izuna did, at first but he got caught and scolded. Of course, it didn't stop him doing it again but his doctor didn't like that.  
  
And, Madara was well aware of it, the visitation hours were over by now. It was nighttime after all, who would want to see him ?  
  
"Come in," he eventually called out. Hesitant but curious. Hoping it wasn't some serial killer.  
  
But the door opened and Madara's breathing caught in his throat. For it wasn't just anyone. It was Tobirama, stepping in slowly, his beautiful eyes looking around as if to find out if they'd be alone, his face relaxed but he was looking tired. Unlike the last time, he wasn't wearing a blouse, only simple clothes, and he was carrying a small bag with him.  
  
Their eyes met, eventually, after Tobirama had closed the door, Madara couldn't help the smile on his lips. Seeing him again, despite that cold, impersonal encounter from the other time, was making him feel .. happy. He didn't understand why, they didn't know each other after all, not really. But Madara couldn't control it and he was satisfied not to feel as embarrassed as the last time.  
  
"Hi," Madara whispered, holding his hands on his lap, keeping his back straight where he was sitting on his bed.  
  
Tobirama blinked, probably confused with his reaction, he glanced at the chair, his chair but merely stepped to the foot of the bed, all but keeping his distances.  
  
"I've heard you were leaving tomorrow," Tobirama stated, his tone too professional for Madara's liking. "And I wanted to wish you good luck."  
  
"I'll be fine," Madara shrugged. "I'll be living with Izuna and his place is great."  
  
"Good," Tobirama nodded, awkwardly. "That's .. good."  
  
There was a silence next, during which all Madara could do was stare. He had felt so bad after their last encounter, with how Tobirama had acted. So cold and distant, exactly how he was on this moment but this time, Madara knew about it. It had been such a shock the other day, because of the difference from what he remembered for the man. But now ? Now he was aware that it was his to break the ice. To make Tobirama feel comfortable.  
  
"Have you finished your shift ?"  
  
Tobirama seemed to snap out of his thoughts, his eyes focusing on him again. Then he glanced down at his bag and nodded.  
  
"Yes, I'm going home."  
  
"Willing to spare me some minutes ?"  
  
It took Tobirama a moment to decide. And he didn't answer, not really. Not with words anyways, as he slowly walked to the chair and sat. It creaked, as he put his bag down and straightened again, and Madara half turned to him, trying to ignore the joy bubbling down his guts.  
  
This. This was feeling so great to have the man so close to him again. He couldn't not be happy. Gods, he had missed this. He almost wanted to extend his hand, for Tobirama to grab it but didn't. He wasn't sure Tobirama wanted it. He wasn't sure it wouldn't be impolite.  
  
But he glanced up at the man again, after a moment, at how lost in thoughts Tobirama was, how he was slowly relaxing in the chair and his back was hunching, how the hair was falling in front of his eyes. He was looking tired, oh so tired and Madara wondered for how long he worked today, how many surgery did he perform. He wondered if it was fair to ask him to stay. But Tobirama was a grown man, wasn't he ? He wouldn't have sat, hadn't he wanted to stay.  
  
"Long day ?"  
  
Tobirama hummed, pushing his elbow on the chair's armrest, he rubbed his eyes.  
  
"It was one of these days when nothing goes right," he admitted slowly and his tone was softer than before. "I can't wait to go to bed."  
  
"I'm sorry then," Madara grimaced, feeling guilty. "I shouldn't hold you back."  
  
"No, I … you probably know but I've visited you a lot when you were in the coma," Tobirama admitted, his eyes focused on an invisible point somewhere on his mattress. "I don't mind being here."  
  
Madara's smile wasn't as bright as before, as it held something more than just the happiness to see Tobirama again. He was touched, somehow.  
  
"I know," he nodded slowly.  
  
Tobirama rolled his eyes. "Of course you do. The nurses can be so noisy."  
  
They were. Obito was, at least, he loved to gossip. But it wasn't the case here and Madara hesitated. He wasn't sure it was a good idea to speak about this, he wasn't sure he should. But being around Tobirama again, seeing him relax by his side and feel comfortable enough to admit these things to him.. it made him feel confident, somehow.  
  
"No, Tobirama," Madara breathed out, shivering as he was using the man's name like that. "I know because .. I remember you coming."  
  
"You do ?" Tobirama croaked after a moment, his eyes wide, leaning forward a little.  
  
"Yes," Madara was quick to nod. "I remember a lot of your visits. Not all of them, I think, I was out for some of them but the others …"  
  
"You were out all the time, you were in a coma," Tobirama pointed out with a frown.  
  
"Well, yes," Madara admitted, trying to find the right explanation. "But sometimes, I was .. aware of things. Other times I wasn't."  
  
"That's not…"  
  
"Possible ?" Madara interrupted, he grimaced. "I didn't even believe I was in a coma, after my brother told me. I was convinced of something way different."  
  
"That's normal, you probably felt very disoriented when you woke up," Tobirama pointed out.  
  
"No," Madara frowned. "It wasn't .. I was disoriented," he admitted because it was the truth still. "But for the whole time I was in the coma, I thought that .."  
  
Then he stopped himself. Because he couldn't talk about this, could he? That was so stupid, now he could think of it properly, now he had all the elements about what had happened to him. Stupid and he should have realized so right away. Of course he hadn't spent all that time at some guy's place, living there and not remembering eating or drinking. It seemed so obvious now but when he had been out, it had been the most plausible scenario his brain had been able to come up with.  
  
"That I was living at your place," the words escaped him and Madara cursed. Gods, he was an idiot. Tobirama was going to think he was crazy and leave. But now he had started … "The night of the accident, I was in that club downtown. I used to go once a month, got high as fuck, completely drunk and I danced all night and got fucked just as long. I was … probably still am a mess and thought I needed it. But I thought you were one of these guys I had sex with. Thought you had brought me to your place for some fun and then, left me to stay there for some reason. I thought I was blacking out when I needed to eat or drink because I couldn't remember that. And that you came spend time with me sometimes because you .. I don't even know?"  
  
Tobirama remained where he was. Stunned in silence, unmoving and, feeling like it probably was his only chance to just spill it out, Madara rolled his eyes at himself and he continued.  
  
"I remember how you held my hand and asked me to squeeze your fingers. And how you continued to hold it. And you spoke of so many things. Even that I'd have to leave? If I didn't show a sign that I was still there? I'm not sure I understand that still. And you asked me to open my eyes and I did. For you. You even showed me your kittens. And I didn't want to wake up because .. because that was a better way to escape my life than the club would ever be. I didn't want to go back. I .. hated it, so much."  
  
Madara paused, sniffing the same he always did when he spoke of it with his psychologist. Gods, she had been so good to make him admit this. But he sure as hell wasn't going to cry tonight.  
  
"But you asked me if I'd wake up for you. Because you knew I was listening to you. And I was and I did."  
  
Madara wanted to hide. He hadn't wanted to say so much, he hadn't wanted to tell Tobirama all of it. Hell, he didn't even tell his therapist about it, as he thought she might think he wasn't completely sane. And he probably wasn't, considering. But it was too late and he was only waiting for Tobirama to just leave. And maybe tell some doctor that he wasn't ready to leave the hospital and force him to stay for a longer time. It'd be fair, really. Madara knew that this whole story was a strange one but it was what had happened and he couldn't deny it. It was the truth. A complete truth.  
  
Tobirama didn't move for a long time. Obviously lost in thoughts. Trying to process it all. Sitting in this chair that Madara felt like it belonged to him, as beautiful as always. He couldn't stop watching him, waiting for his reaction. Any reaction, really. He'd take anything.  
  
He had expected Tobirama to move. To take his bag and leave and never come back. Not for him to reach out, grab the hand Madara hadn't noticed was trembling on his thigh and squeeze his fingers, entwined them but it happened anyways and Madara choked lightly, when Tobirama shifted his chair closer, the relief that Tobirama didn't seem to want to leave overwhelming. He looked away but smiled.  
  
"I felt .. close to you," Tobirama whispered, his own voice sounding nothing but natural, his throat too tight. "Because I've .. I've seen .. a lot of you when I fixed you up. I've seen your brain and I've seen your heart stop but also start again when I told you to stay alive. But …"  
  
Tobirama took a shaky breath, he turned his head away. "We had a car accident, when I was a kid. One of my brothers .. didn't make it. Not really. He was in a coma and .. after some time, the doctors said he would never wake up. He died in his sleep. And .. I felt so .. helpless. He is the reason why I've become a doctor, and why .. when I saw you and heard what happened to you .. I had to save you. No matter how and I did. And I talked to you so much because back then, they told me it could help my brother."  
  
Tobirama paused, he rubbed his face with his free hand. "It is against most of what I've learned in school but I believe you, when you say you remember my visits. And. I .. I shouldn't have but I grew attached to you. It was always so easy, talking to you when you were out. And it's .. nothing is ever easy like that, no matter how hard I try."  
  
The room was silent for a long time, afterwards. The two of them too overwhelmed with feelings, with each other's confessions, with all what they had in mind and Madara was feeling drained from all his energy. To open his heart like that already had been one hell of an exercise, similar to what he did with his therapist and he'd need to rest now, but. Hearing Tobirama's words ? That had been even worse. To hear the truths of his heart, how impacted he had been to fix him up, how he had felt and the story of his brother. Madara couldn't begin to understand, he'd probably feel utterly devastated to lose one of his siblings. He'd feel the worst he ever could, he was sure of it.  
  
And Tobirama went through this, at young age, and it determined his whole career. It was what pushed him to want to save people. And he saved him and he ended up feeling close to him because of all this.  
  
That last sentence, though, broke Madara's heart. To hear Tobirama's voice crack a little, as he said that nothing ever was that easy in his life. To hear him admit that maybe, just maybe, he too was human and craved for simple interactions. He remembered Obito telling him how a loner Tobirama was, but how happy he always seemed to be with it. But that single sentence proved him how wrong it had been.  
  
Tobirama needed only one slight pull. He looked up, his beautiful eyes showing how puzzled he was feeling, he blinked the tears threatening to be shed away, he cleared his throat but he eventually stood, just so he could sit again, on the bed this time. He kept his head turned away, when Madara wrapped an arm around his shoulders and hugged him.  
  
But, somehow, they both needed it at the moment. For, this experience they had shared had pulled them closer. It had brought strangers to be there, together and Madara was feeling so close to Tobirama. He had spent so much time listening to him talk. He never did this before. Never took the time to get to know someone so deeply and Tobirama seemed to be feeling something alike.  
  
Tobirama hugged back, eventually. Both arms around his waist, his head against his shoulder and Madara felt himself relax and he couldn't help running his fingers through his hair, he closed his eyes.  
  
"Can I stay a little longer ?"  
  
Madara smiled, he pushed a kiss against Tobirama's head.  
  
"You can stay as long as you want."


	3. Chapter 3

Izuna's place was .. peaceful. So peaceful and quiet and Madara was loving every second of it. Not even a week he had left the hospital and started living here and he already couldn't think of leaving anymore.  
  
Not that it bothered Izuna in any way. On the contrary. Izuna kept saying that he could stay here forever if he wanted to, that he didn't have to leave anytime soon. That the house was too big for him alone and he'd be happy if they decided to just live together.  
  
Madara wasn't sure what to think of it for now. He knew his brother had moved out of the city, in the suburbs so he would be left alone. Izuna, as sociable as he was, did love being on his own from times to times. And that wouldn't be the case if Madara moved in with him officially. But. It probably was a question better left aside for later. Madara was aware his brothers, and especially Izuna, had been very touched with what had happened, with his accident and the next months of struggle and waiting. Izuna always had the look in the eyes, when it was just the two of them, he always reached out to hold his hand, as if to make sure he still was there, that he wasn't going anywhere and it made Madara feel so .. fragile, in a way. He was slowly realizing how close he had been to death, even more than when he was in the hospital still. And it was a terrifying thought, considering, to think he could have never woken up from the coma.  
  
Madara was having nightmares about it. But he didn't tell Izuna. He couldn't. Izuna had done too much for him already and Madara didn't want to bother him with it.  
  
The garden, though. Madara had been allowed to leave his room while still in the hospital, of course and Obito often took him to the park next to his wing, so they could sit on a bench and chat there rather than in his room but. Izuna's terrace was beautiful. It wasn't finished yet, Izuna wanted to improve it, install a wooden floor as well as a pergola to allow plants to climb up and create a green roof over it. But he had bought comfortable chairs where he could lounge for lazy afternoons under the sun and Madara loved them. He loved settling there with a good book and snacks, stretch his legs as much as he could, snuggle for a nap if he didn't sleep enough during the night. He had no obligation, after all, he wasn't expected anywhere. He didn't have to go back to work, and Izuna had said, several times, that his paycheck was enough to support the two of them, that he didn't need to worry about it. Not that Madara wouldn't work for a long time, he'd have to again, someday. But his body still was healing from the coma, from the lack of exercise and, sometimes, he was so drained in the evening, his muscles weak from moving around.  
  
Today was one of these lazy days. Madara was comfortably lying in one of Izuna's chairs, enjoying the weather. He had brought a small plaid with him, because of the breeze so he wouldn't catch a cold, he sure didn't want to deal with doctors anytime soon enough. He did love them, for all they did for him, for saving his life in so many ways but. He'd gladly stay away from doctors and hospitals for a while now. He'd have his dose with them.  
  
Madara hadn't done much today and hadn't planned doing much more later either. He was reading that book, trying to focus but his thoughts kept drifting here and there. To that special moment he couldn't help thinking hadn't happened, a week ago, that magical moment he couldn't think about without feeling his heart beat faster and even now, even there, on his own, he didn't dare. It was but a memory he wanted to hold on but not taint in any way and he wouldn't.  
  
And so, instead, he distracted himself with his book, forcing himself to forget, even if for while, forcing himself to gather his thoughts and his heart to settle. He didn't want to but he had no other choice. And, that night, he was grateful for Izuna coming home early. 

* * *

Returning to the hospital held a strange feeling to it. It was such a familiar place now, but one that shouldn't feel this way. One should never feel comfortable in a hospital, after all, it was a place of short visits, or it should remain so, but it wasn't, to Madara. For, even if he was indeed in a coma for all that time, even if he wasn't entirely conscious of his surroundings, he felt time pass in his own pace. And what he thought was Tobirama's room, while unconscious, had welcomed him for a long time.  
  
This visit was an important one. Madara wasn't going to stay there for a long time, he wasn't going to be admitted in again, but he needed to go through some checkups, the doctors wanting to make sure everything was right about him. Which probably was, all his tests returned almost perfect before he checked out but. One could never know and his case was a singular one after all, wasn't it. Not everyone ever woke up from such a long coma without permanent damages. He had been lucky. Very much so.  
  
Seeing Obito wait for them near the admittance desk, though, had Madara roll his eyes and glance at his brother. Izuna was smiling and Madara huffed. Of course, Izuna had known the nurse would welcome them. The two of them were in contact, Izuna had sent Obito hundreds of texts to ask after him when he couldn't visit. It was obvious enough they'd make sure Obito would be around as well.  
  
It was only when they reached the desk, though, that Madara noticed the fact that Obito wasn't wearing his usual nurse uniform. He was wearing a pair of jeans and some random band shirt as well as a leather jacket, and was leaning against the counter as he was chatting with the guy behind the desk with a lazy smile. Madara frowned, he had never seen such an attitude in Obito. But Obito's smile softened when he spotted him, to the usual he wore when around him and he waved.  
  
"Now, Izuna wasn't lying, you do look cute when you're surprised."  
  
Madara huffed, the trahison clear to him now. "Brat," he called the nurse, waving a hand at him. "What are you even doing here ?"  
  
"I work here, remember ?" Obito snorted. The guy behind the desk laughed but was quick to stop when Madara glared at him. "Izuna asked me to come. And I can't resist damsels in distress."  
  
Madara's glare turned to his brother. Izuna held it without blinking.  
  
"My boss called earlier, one guy is sick so I must take his shift. Obito will drive you back home," he explained, then he sighed. "Or I can have a taxi ready for when you're done if you prefer."  
  
Madara looked at his brother and his former assigned nurse in turns, he sniffed with fake disdain. "He'll do, if he's not annoying me."  
  
Izuna smiled, then hugged him and took his leave quickly. Madara looked back at Obito, then rolled his eyes.  
  
"Just admit it," he couldn't help teasing. "You missed me too much."  
  
Obito laughed. "Of course I did."  
  
It made Madara laugh and he pulled the nurse into a hug, shivering at the foreign contact. He and Obito never exactly did that before, their friendship always was based on some distance, on the fact that Obito was working when he was around him, that he was his charge and was making sure Madara wouldn't hurt himself. Hugging wasn't something they did before but Obito didn't wait to hug back, both arms wrapped around his shoulders, his head against his and his breathing slightly quicker.  
  
They had needed this, somehow. For all that time they had spent together hadn't been just a job, they bonded, they created something, a unplanned friendship and Madara closed his eyes for an instant. Strange indeed but welcomed.  
  
There weren't many people he considered his friend, after all. His brothers, mostly. But Obito was part of that group now.  
  
"Alright, we should go, we'll be late if you keep crying on my shoulder."  
  
Madara pulled away, hitting said shoulder as softly as he could despite feeling playful, he huffed.  
  
"Just do your job then, I have no idea where I'm supposed to go."  
  
The appointments happened without much of a troubles. Madara had to go through a head scan, as the doctors had wanted to make sure his brain wasn't damaged and kept controlling so, he met with his psychologist, with his physiotherapist who did met with him at Izuna's but wanted to make a full summary of his current state with him. All in all, it was pretty boring an Madara was distracted.  
  
Now he was in the hospital again, his thoughts had begun to drift to that territory he had wanted to avoid for the past days. But it was harder, now he was finding himself among these walls again, when that familiar feeling was taking over and his whole body was reacting to it. He hadn't imagined it would be so intense, he hadn't imagined he'd feel so much but here he was now, blindly following Obito around after his last appointment, mentally tracing the long path to the bedroom he had occupied for so long and half wanting to go back. His heart filled with the hope he didn't want to admit. Filled to the top with feelings he wasn't comfortable with.  
  
Gods, couldn't they slay him right away so he would stop thinking about it ?  
  
It was only when they exited the hospital that the hope disappeared. It crashed, in a way and Madara's mood with it, as he was walking beside Obito, following him to his car in silence and wondering why it was such a hard hit. He wasn't even sure what would have had happened after all. He wasn't even sure he had wanted anything to happen. But he still was disappointed.  
  
Obito didn't say a thing, as he was driving. He was glancing and obviously aware of his current state of mind but he didn't push it. He did seem to know where he was heading to anyways and Madara was thankful. Tired, somehow. Drained.  
  
Izuna's house was a welcomed sight, when Obito parked in front of it and turned to him. He placed a hand on his, a simple gesture that had Madara sigh and close his eyes for a moment, he rubbed his lids slowly.  
  
"Wanna come inside for a while ?" He asked the nurse.  
  
"Sure."  
  
Obito didn't wait for him to say anything to head for the kitchen. Acting around as if he belonged, searching the cabinets for glasses and the fridge for something cool to drink and he poured them full glasses of lemonade. Madara stretched his sore legs the moment he finally sat on the couch, feeling like he had walked too much for the day already and he tried to ignore Obito's stare. He couldn't, though.  
  
"What ?"  
  
"You're being moody again," Obito said, keeping his tone soft. "You were silent the whole ride home and now, you look tired. What's up ?"  
  
Madara shrugged. "I'm always tired."  
  
Obito leveled him with a not impressed stare, his dark eyes reminding him so much of Izuna's at the moment. It was as if his own brother was judging him and was Obito even certain he wasn't an Uchiha ? Maybe he should ask his father if they didn't have a cousin they never knew about. Uchiha genealogy was a mess.  
  
But Madara soon chased the thoughts out of his mind, knowing full well that his father would probably take ages to answer, he wasn't very good with phones, or any form of technology, really, and he glanced at Obito, he shrugged. He wasn't sure he wanted to answer, after all.  
  
"You know," Obito sighed, shifting closer and leaning to him so their shoulders would touch. Madara shivered at the contact, not used to it, not used to such familiarity between them but enjoying every second of it. "There are .. rumors, in the hospital. A friend said he saw the doctor Senju enter your room, on your last night and apparently he only left in the morning."  
  
Madara looked away.  
  
But the memories were coming back full force, images of that last night in the hospital, of Tobirama's visit, of the way they had opened their heart to each other. Madara telling Tobirama about his coma, how aware he had been of things, how he had thought he was staying at his place. How he thought there had been something between them. And Tobirama telling him about his brother. And the embrace they shared, Tobirama settling in his bed with him.  
  
And, what Obito had heard was true. For Tobirama, as exhausted as he had said he was, had fallen asleep almost right away, in his arms and Madara had laughed, thinking how their roles had been reversed, this time, how Tobirama had been the one being asleep and Madara keeping watch over him, even if for a moment, before he too slept. The two of them holding on each other, Madara's head on Tobirama's shoulder. His most peaceful night of sleep since he awoke from his coma, the longest as well, even if cut short when, in the morning, Tobirama left the bed without a word, without a look back. When he grabbed his bag, straightened his clothes and exited the room.  
  
Tobirama had know he had been awake. They had shared a look, even if for a second, when Madara woke up as Tobirama had tried prying himself off his embrace. But he said nothing when he left and it made Madara feel terrible.  
  
And even now, days later, Madara couldn't help feeling bad. He couldn't help feeling like that moment had been a farewell. Tobirama's way to make him understand that it shouldn't have happened. And it shouldn't have, they had been in a hospital after all, and Tobirama worked there and even patched him up. But. Gods, did it feel so good. And Gods did Madara want it to happen again.  
  
"Nurses are noisy, aren't they ?"  
  
"That we are," Obito snorted, and he shook his head. "Especially when there seems to be something between two people like that."  
  
"There's nothing between me and Tobirama," Madara muttered, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Obviously," Obito retorted. "That's why you always call him by his name and he spent the whole night with you."  
  
Madara glared. He couldn't help thinking what kind of trouble Tobirama would get into, had people know he did sleep in his bed like that. It surely wasn't proper at all, was it ?  
  
"Don't give me that look, you know that whatever you tell me, I'll keep for myself," Obito huffed in fake indignation. "But I don't like how miserable you look and I'm trying to help."  
  
"I don't look miserable," Madara answered, offended. Because he didn't. Never.  
  
"Oh please, have you looked at yourself in a mirror recently ?" Obito rolled his eyes. "Seriously, you looked way better when you were at the hospital. And I know that Izuna feeds you well and you sleep enough. So, obviously, you've got something on your mind that's weighing you down. And seeing what I heard, it's probably big."  
  
Madara didn't answer at first. Too lost in thoughts, too far gone for an instant. He hadn't realized he was looking so terrible. He looked at himself every day, when he brushed his hair or his teeth, when he got ready for the day, when he inspected his scar and slightly poked at the metal plate under his skin keeping his skull in one piece and yet, he hadn't noticed anything wrong with himself. But hearing Obito's words, there was something showing, apparently and Madara couldn't help thinking that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as good at hiding things anymore as he used to be. When he went out and got high and drunk and fucked and no one ever knew, and no one ever noticed a thing.  
  
Obito noticed something today, though. He did and Madara closed his eyes when Obito slowly wrapped an arm around his shoulder, giving him all the time in the world to slap his hand away if he wanted to. Gods, that guy shouldn't be able to read him like that. But here he was now.  
  
"I'm …," Madara hesitated, he sighed. "The night of the accident, I was in a club. High as fuck and drunk and the last thing I remember is being fucked by some stranger in the bathroom. I .. did that often. Used to do it often. Once a month. One of my exes took me out one day and I got wrecked out of my mind and .. I really thought I needed it. And I probably did, in a way, because I hated my life."  
  
Madara wasn't sure why he was telling the other. He wasn't sure why he was confessing all this, it had been so hard to tell the psychologist to begin with. But now the words were flowing quickly out of his lips and he couldn't stop.  
  
"When I was in the coma, I was .. conscious, somehow. Aware of Tobirama's visits and I thought he was some guy I had met in the club and brought me home. I thought I was living at his place and couldn't remember anything but his visits because the drugs had fucked my brain up."  
  
There was a silence, next, as Madara wasn't sure what he was supposed to say, as he didn't know if he should say more to begin with and Obito was so silent, so entirely relaxed by his side. As if he didn't care for what kind of trash he used to be. As if he wasn't shocked with what Madara was telling him.  
  
"I thought I'd see him today," Madara eventually admitted because he couldn't keep it for himself anymore. "I thought .. I don't even know. That he'd want to see me. Maybe. That he'd hear about my visit and meet with me. Nothing happened, when he spent the night in my room. He fell asleep on my bed, that's all. But, when he left in the morning, he didn't say anything, he didn't even look at me. He just left."  
  
Obito didn't speak for another moment. But when he did, Madara wished he hadn't.  
  
"You're in love with him, aren't you ?"  
  
Madara didn't answer. Obito stayed until Izuna was back from work and accepted Izuna's offer to stay for dinner. Madara didn't say a word for the rest of the day.

* * *

Madara couldn't sleep at night anymore. He couldn't, when his mind was plagued with so many thoughts and that annoying little voice wouldn't shut the fuck up. It was always there, lurking, waiting for him to lower his defense the slightest to remind him of Obito's words about his feelings and have him spiralling downward again. Because these feelings .. Madara couldn't accept them. For as real they were, Madara didn't fall in love. Love wasn't something he did. He had stopped bothering with it a long time ago and was better off without such a concept in his life. Oh, he loved his brothers, a lot. But. Romance wasn't part of him anymore.  
  
Distracting himself from that mess, though, was hard. Almost impossible and half the time, Madara couldn't help spacing out and Izuna kept freaking out on him. The exact moment he was noticing that Madara was lost in thoughts, when he wouldn't answer him, when he wouldn't notice his gestures as he waved at him or something alike, Izuna rushed to him and shook him as if he feared he was in a coma again and, several times, Madara had noticed tears in his brother's eyes, when snapping back to the reality had taken him a split second too long.  
  
Madara hated these moments, when he was seeing how affected Izuna had been, when he was realizing how touched his brother had truly been with the whole thing. He knew, of course he did, Madara wasn't stupid, he was well aware that his family, and Izuna in particular, had been dead worried about him, to a point he probably never was before. But he had tried not to think about it for all that time, as he didn't want to deal with the guilt. For all this was his fault after all, wasn't it ? The accident, the surgery and the fact he could have not made it, the five months long coma. None of it would have happened, had he dealt with his life rather than run away from it like a coward he was.  
  
He should have quitted his job and found himself something else to do, rather than lower his head, accept everything because the paycheck was good and feel so bad about it. He never was like that before, after all, on the contrary, Madara usually was hard to handle and he had been fired several times before for being .. well. Harsh and cold and arrogant. But not this time and here he was now.  
  
Jobless, half homeless as he knew he couldn't just live at Izuna's forever, a metal plate screwed to his skull, and a family traumatized for the rest of their life.  
  
Gods he had been so stupid.  
  
And now, Izuna was fearing for him, he was looking so concerned for the slightest thing and Madara didn't want to push that upon his brother's shoulders. Izuna probably had enough to deal with after all, with his job and his house and everything else. Madara didn't want to put more weight on his shoulders.  
  
Tonight was one of these nights when they watched a movie together, in silence, most of the lights turned off and the windows open to allow the fresh air in. These enjoyable moments, just the two of them, between brothers and Madara was trying hard to focus on the movie but he couldn't stop glancing at Izuna.  
  
For Izuna was looking so tired lately, with dark circles under his eyes and his face so pale. As if he were the one who couldn't sleep at night and Madara couldn't help but think that maybe he couldn't either. That, maybe, his brother wasn't getting any rest because he kept worrying about him and it was making Madara's guilt grow even more.  
  
Eventually, Madara realized, when Izuna glanced at him, that his brother wasn't focused on the movie either. He huffed, half amused, half uncomfortable, he grabbed his brother's hand.  
  
"We need to talk, don't we ?"  
  
Izuna didn't need more to half jump on him, wrapping both arms around his neck and hug the life out of him.  
  
"Please, tell me you're fine," he mumbled, his voice cracking a little and his breathing turning shaky too quickly. "You've been so weird lately and sometimes it feels like you're not there anymore. I don't want to lose you again."  
  
"I'm fine," Madara answered, hugging back and closing his eyes. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry."  
  
Izuna groaned, his arms tightening around him, he shook his head and Madara sighed softly.  
  
"You're not going to lose me again," he continued, hoping it would be enough. "You never did. I was always there. Just .. asleep."  
  
"You almost died !" Izuna was quick to remind him. "You have no idea what state you were in, when they brought you to the hospital. You almost didn't make it and now, it's like you're drifting away …"  
  
"I just .. have stuff in mind," Madara admitted, his throat tight at how traumatized his brother seemed to be. Izuna always was the toughest out of his siblings, after all. Seeing him like that was breaking his heart. "It's nothing much. Just been thinking of things a lot, lately."  
  
"I .. I .." Izuna hesitated, as he was straightening his back and trying to catch his breath. "I called your neurologist, to tell him you were weird lately, he spoke of another brain scan to control your brain again, ensure they didn’t miss anything. I .."  
  
Madara stared at his brother for an instant, then rolled his eyes. "Not sure a scanner can do much, in this case but .. if it can make you feel better, I'll go through with it, alright? Then you will know I'm fine."  
  
"Thank you," was Izuna's strangled answer, as he made himself more comfortable in his arms and Madara held back a sigh.  
  
Movie night was ruined it seemed. But it was fine. Making sure his brother would feel better soon was more important than some random movie. And so, Madara focused on Izuna, on keeping him calm, making sure he was breathing normally again after a moment. Rubbing his back and pushing his head against his softly, not caring when Izuna's fingers pulled on his hair when he was clenching them, not caring for the wet spot on his shoulder.  
  
Still, Madara was feeling awkward. Not towards Izuna, if anything, hugging his brother felt familiar and it was currently needed. But. People kept telling him about what had happened, how hurt he had been, how he almost didn't make it and Madara couldn't entirely believe it. Because of the lack of pain, of the fact he didn't see any of these injuries. Oh, his body did have some weird reactions now, and some scars that wasn't there before, scars he found himself tracing without thinking when he was reading or trying to fall asleep. But it wasn't the same as suffering the injuries for days or weeks on a row, it wasn't the same as being conscious the whole time, of seeing his body damaged the way it had apparently been. And Madara did consider himself lucky about it. He wasn't sure he would have handled it so easily, had he been awake the whole time, and, knowing himself, he would have probably given his physiotherapist hell, if it had taken him too long to be able to use his limbs properly again.  
  
Izuna didn't move from his arms but Madara didn't ask him to, as he kept holding him there, his eyes closed after a while. For an instant, even, Madara thought he might have fallen asleep, he looked exhausted after all, but Izuna eventually hummed, then cleared his throat.  
  
"They … they asked me if …," he hesitated, as if he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say, which words to use. "They found drugs in your system and asked me if you were using regularly. I .. I .. said it was a mistake but the tests couldn't be wrong, they said."  
  
It took Madara a moment to process it all. For, having Tobirama, or even Obito know was one thing. Tobirama was a surgeon, Obito a nurse and they couldn't speak about their patient to other people, it was forbidden to them. But Izuna .. Madara knew how much his brother looked up to him. How he cared and how he didn't hesitate when he told the rest of their siblings he'd be the one who'd take care of him once he'd be out. They always were closer after all, because they were born only one year apart. And Madara didn't want to ruin the image Izuna had of him. But .. Izuna already knew anyways, didn't he ?  
  
"I was high," Madara eventually admitted with a short breath. "I … didn't use regularly. Only when I went to the club."  
  
"Why ?"  
  
"Because it made me feel better," Madara mumbled and he looked away when Izuna harshly pulled himself from his arms to stare at him. "It was .. it's over now, ok ? Not going to happen again."  
  
"Madara…"  
  
"I'm .. not talking about this with you," Madara stated, hoping his tone was enough to discourage his brother. "I've discussed it with the therapist, in lengths. All you need to know is that it will never happen again."  
  
"But…"  
  
"Izuna, I said no."  
  
Izuna startled. Then, his brows shifted, from the sadness to the harshness Madara knew about and never exactly wanted to face. For Izuna did have a soft spot but he wasn't a soft man.  
  
"Not on that tone with me," Izuna whispered and his tone was icy. "You don't owe me anything, I am aware of it. I welcome you here and I feed you and take care of you and I ask nothing in return and will never ask anything. But. You don't talk to me like that. Not after I've spent five months thinking you were going to die. Or be unable to function anymore."  
  
Madara frowned but he didn't answer. Too shocked Izuna was talking to him like that. Not that he didn't deserve it, he probably did. But he hadn't expected it and Madara eventually sighed, looking away, he rubbed his face.  
  
"Sorry," he mumbled, because it was all he could say.  
  
"I'm going to my bedroom," Izuna stated after a while and he stood. "Goodnight."  
  
The next morning, Izuna was gone for work by the time Madara awoke, after one terrible night. His morning beverage was ready, same as every morning, there was fresh bread and jam, and a note on the fridge. Madara thought it'd be a message from his brother, about the previous night. It was the date and time of his appointment for the brain scan.

* * *

To say his relationship with Izuna had turned cold lately was an understatement. Izuna had barely talked to him, since that evening. He did when he asked him if he needed anything from the store, he did when he was asking Madara if he had taken care of the chores but. It was all and Madara couldn't bear for this to last.  
  
He loved Izuna. A lot. He had loved his brother all his life, and even more now for all Izuna was doing for him. And indeed, Izuna was welcoming him in his home and feeding him and always making sure he wasn't lacking anything. And he wasn't demanding him to find a job again soon and move out, he wasn't asking him anything at all in return. Izuna had said he wouldn't and Madara was aware of it, his brother had suffered a lot from the whole situation. But, that last conversation with Izuna was making Madara feel terrible.  
  
Should he have told Izuna ? Should he have told him his reasons to go to the club and get high ? But .. wouldn't Izuna hurt even more, did he know ? If he knew Madara had spent so much time, so many years feeling terrible about his life and himself, to the point he had needed these nights regularly? Wouldn't he feel worse to realize he never noticed a thing ? But Madara didn't want to tell Izuna. Izuna knew enough already and Madara didn't want to break the image his brother held of him. He probably did, already, when he admitted using but. Wasn't it enough already ?  
  
Madara didn't know what he was supposed to do. And, to make sure he wouldn't turn the situation worse, he decided to do nothing. He couldn't upset Izuna more than he already was, if he didn't do anything, right ?  
  
Today was the day of his brain scan and Madara didn't sleep the whole night, as he hadn't stopped thinking about it. Because he knew that his late state had been but triggered by Obito's words but .. what if they did find something wrong with him ? What if there was something up with his brain ?  
  
And he was restless, as he was sitting on the couch, waiting for Izuna to come back from work to drive him there, anxiety rising as he couldn't stop thinking about it and he couldn't even tell his brother about how he felt about it and he wished he had done so earlier. But Izuna always looked so mad at him, he still looked so angered and Madara didn't want to fight with him again. Was that last conversation even a fight to begin with? Madara wasn't sure of it but it did feel like one, somehow.  
  
The moment Madara heard the knock at the front door, though, he realized that Izuna wouldn't be the one taking him to the appointment. Izuna obviously wouldn't knock at his own house's door, would he ? But the knock was recognizable and Madara rolled his eyes, as he walked up to it and opened it.  
  
Obito's smile was the first thing he noticed. Madara huffed, as if to show that he wasn't surprised or happy as much as he was, he grabbed his jacket, walked past the man and headed for his car.  
  
"Oh please," Obito followed after him, laughing. "Don't pretend you're not happy to see me."  
  
"Brat."  
  
Obito engulfed him in a whole body hug before Madara managed to make it to the car and Madara was quick to close his eyes, lean against the other man and hum, as he grabbed Obito's hands. Gods, he hated the brat for having become so important to him so quickly. But he did love him a lot. Madara never imagined his nurse would become such an important friend to him, after all. Even with how little they met now.  
  
"You're such a grumpy cat," Obito commented as he was placing his head on his shoulder and entwining their fingers.  
  
"We're going to be late."  
  
Obito laughed, he released him. Then he patted his back.  
  
"Alright, alright, I get it, we'll hug later," he teased him and Madara rolled his eyes. Obito was the worst.  
  
The ride to the hospital, as well as the walk to the right wing and waiting room was silent. Madara couldn't stop thinking about his brother, wondering if he was mad enough to not want to accompany him to the hospital, to pass a scan he asked for to begin with. The fight they had wasn't even one, to Madara, as they didn't yell at each other nor slammed doors or anything of the sort. All they did was talk and have different opinions but Izuna had been so distant since that time, so cold, even and Madara was hating every second of it.  
  
Obito, though, appeared to him like a beam of light by his side, as they sat in silence in the waiting room and Madara eventually sighed, leaning to the side so he could push his head against the nurse's shoulder, he shivered when Obito scratched his head softly and nuzzled his hair.  
  
"Did Izuna tell you something?"  
  
"He said you needed someone to drive you to the hospital for a brain scan," Obito answered truthfully. "He said he couldn't drive you here himself, because of work. I had to ask a day off but it was given freely when I said it was for you."  
  
Madara pursed his lips, guilt taking over. He should have driven himself here, shouldn't he ? But he wasn't sure he could drive still. He was physically able to, but the idea of driving was making him uncomfortable, like if his brain had associated the trauma and the past five months to its cause despite the fact he had no memory of it. And Madara really didn't like that. He didn't like having to depend on other people as much as he was now.  
  
This, though, wasn't the current subject of the conversation and he held back a sigh, when Obito side-hugged him.  
  
"We .. had a fight of some sort," Madara admitted and he looked away. Obito couldn't see his eyes but he still did. "We spoke of the night of the accident and apparently, the doctors told him I was under influence when it happened. They asked him if I was using regularly. And he insisted when I told him it was over and didn't want to talk about it anymore. I was .. probably harsh when I told him to stop. And he didn't like that."  
  
Obito kept running his fingers through his hair slowly, silent, until he sighed and he kissed the top of his head.  
  
"Why didn't you tell him ?"  
  
Madara frowned, pulling away so he could look at the man in the eyes.  
  
"Isn't it obvious ?"  
  
"No," Obito shrugged, and he was looking dead serious about it.  
  
"I can't .. Izuna always looked up to me, ever since we were kids," Madara explained, rubbing his face and he sighed. "I can't .."  
  
"Admit that you too are human ?" Obito finished on a tired tone. "That you too have flaws ? Trust me, he knows. He's an adult and he knows."  
  
Madara huffed. "How would you know anything about him?" He retorted because it wasn't the answer he had wanted Obito to throw right at his face. Gods, the truth could hurt.  
  
"Please," Obito rolled his eyes. "Didn't I spend a whole month by your side, watching him visit you ? And he visited you more than the rest of your brothers together. Izuna loves you. So much. And he's always so worried about you. You can't hold it against him."  
  
"I know that," Madara answered, shooting a dark glance at the nurse. "What does it have to do with anything ?"  
  
"Don't you think you owe him the truth, at least ?" Obito questioned, not caring the very least for his glare. "You were in your delirium for all that time but you seem to forget that he spent five months worrying about you, thinking you wouldn't make it. He spent that whole time wondering why you were high and drunk that night. And when you two finally talk about it, you tell him to drop it on .. a harsh tone, was it ? You really can't communicate with people, can you?"  
  
For an instant, Madara wanted to talk back. But he didn't because he knew Obito was right and he didn't want to admit it.  
  
The technician for the scanner came gather him before he could answer anything and Madara was quick to go. He didn't want to deal with anything for a while after all and the exam would do just fine. Also, it was a good distraction, to not think of the fact that something could be wrong with his brain.  
  
Waiting for his results, for the neurologist to analyze the images was the worst part of the whole thing. Madara wasn't alone, thankfully, Obito had joined him in the waiting room, and he was holding his hand in silence, a support Madara truly needed at the moment. Gods, he truly hoped his brain wasn't damaged in any way because of how stupid he had been for all that time. He did believe he had fucked it up, back when he was in the coma, back when he was thinking that he was living at Tobirama's and Tobirama was visiting him and, surely, it wouldn't be too surprising, would it ? To be told that the hard drugs he took damaged him, irreversibly and he probably deserved it, for having been so stupid.  
  
"I'll see Mister Uchiha now," the neurologist called, as he appeared in the waiting room and Madara released a shaky breath, he stood, wishing Obito could come with him, but he couldn't. Obito wasn't family after all.  
  
The office was just around the corner and Madara followed the specialist there, keeping his head low and feeling his legs weaken with each step he was taking, he sat when he was told to, he swallowed hard, waiting.  
  
"Do not be alarmed," the doctor said, placing down the images on the desk and showing a square piece showing on some of the images. "These are the plate the Doctor Senju used to replace the part of your skull that was too damaged to be repaired."  
  
Madara blinked, staring at the images curiously. It was a bit strange to look at indeed. He had grown used to it by now, to the strange sensation at the side of his head and how his hair was growing back differently, the scar bare from any lock but to see what it looked like that way was disconcerting.  
  
"As far as I can see, there is nothing wrong with your brain," the doctor continued after a pause, his tone soft. "The pressure is normal, there is no trauma. Your brother seemed to think you still were very .. 'out of it' as he said ? I advise you take an appointment with a therapist, as your brain is healthy."  
  
"He .. we wanted to make sure all was fine," Madara whispered. But he did feel guilty, even if slightly. He should have insisted on saying he was fine. But Izuna always was stubborn and he would have kept worrying.  
  
"Well, be reassured then," the doctor smiled, gathering the pictures and placing them in a folder. "I advise you keep going at a slow pace for now, so you don't hinge your recovery. I'll see you for our next general check up ?"  
  
Madara nodded, he shook the doctor's hand and exited the office, releasing a relieved sigh. All was fine with his brain. And even if he hadn't thought it wasn't, it was a relief to be told so.  
  
Obito didn't need to tell him a thing, when Madara walked into the waiting room to join him again, as he smiled and was quick to rise, and side-hug him. He rubbed his back slowly, he led him along endless corridors in silence.  
  
"I need .. to breathe a little," was all Madara said as they exited the building, through the park Obito used to take him to when he still was a patient in the hospital and the two of them settled on a bench, Madara's fingers clenched around the seat's edge as he was trying to relax.  
  
He hadn't realized how affected he had been with Izuna's worries, after all. And he was quick to send his brother a text to tell him about the results of the scan.  
  
"You should talk to him," Obito whispered, the moment Madara hit the send button. "Really talk to him. Sit him down on the couch, you take a big breath and you tell him all."  
  
"Since when are you my therapist already ?" Madara huffed, rolling his eyes.  
  
"I'm not your therapist, I'm your friend," Obito answered on a similar tone, and he laughed. "Keep being mean to me, though and I'll leave your sorry ass to go back home on your own."  
  
"Brat," Madara sighed. It made Obito laugh harder. "Don't you think he'll be mad at me for not telling him before ?"  
  
"Probably," Obito shrugged. "But it can't be worse than it currently is, can it ?"  
  
"Well, he could throw me out," Madara pointed out, his throat tightening. "It's not like I have any form of income anymore."  
  
"As if he would ever do that."  
  
Madara shot the other a tired glance but he knew Obito was right. Izuna would probably not throw him out for something like that. He hoped.  
  
The soft breeze blowing in the park made Madara shiver slightly, as he leaned back on his hands and closed his eyes. No, he thought. Izuna wouldn't throw him out for telling him the truth, for confessing his reasons to have done all he did, as bad as they were. He wouldn't and he'd probably feel sorry, for not seeing how bad he felt earlier, for not having seen anything.  
  
Though, Madara preferred it this way. For the more he was talking about it, the less he was liking the person he was before the accident. So lost he had been, and to think he convinced himself that drugs and alcohol and hookups in dirty bathroom stalls would help. He was disgusted with this person he used to be.  
  
Maybe it was why he didn't want to talk about it with Izuna ?  
  
"Madara ? I'm gonna get something to drink. Water, as always ?"  
  
Madara hummed a positive answer to Obito, he wouldn't mind drinking a bit and soon, Obito was gone, the sound of his steps light on the grassy path.  
  
The world around him was silent for a moment, as Madara half disconnected himself from reality, too comfortable where he was, too lost in thoughts. Determined to talk to Izuna as soon as he'd be home, to answer his every questions and make sure Izuna would understand that these times were gone now. Determined to do more, maybe, to find a job, perhaps, even if part-time to begin with so he wouldn't spend all day lazing around at home. He wasn't sure he wanted to, seeing how much he hated the last job he had and what it made him do but oh well. He'd have to someday, wouldn't he ? He couldn't live at Izuna's for the rest of his life.  
  
Obito returned, eventually, Madara heard his steps on the grass, heard him sit down next to him and shift slightly but he didn't move, too distracted, too comfortable the way he was. Obito probably understood it, as he didn't shake him out of his current state, didn't push the water bottle into his hand either and Madara could have thanked him for it. He didn't yet, though. He would, later.  
  
Minutes ticked and Madara was wondering if Obito would be able to stay with him when he'd take him home. For, as much as he teased him, Madara liked him. They were friends, they became friends, when Obito was supposed to look after him, which probably was highly unprofessional of him but who cared ? They went along together well and they couldn't meet only when Madara needed help around the hospital, could they ?  
  
He should talk to him more, probably. Send him texts. He really should.  
  
When Madara opened his eyes, though, he was met with a way different image than the one he had thought he'd see. For, there was indeed someone sitting next to him, but it was in no way Obito.  
  
Tobirama was .. gorgeous today. Dressed in a light blue shirt along with dress pants, a vest sitting on the bench next to him. Sitting there, not even looking at him. Lost in thoughts, obviously and Madara hesitated, when he went for the man's fingers where his hand was resting near his. It almost looked as if Tobirama had placed his hand there on purpose for him to grab it, half way through the two of them and Madara dared and he wasn't surprised when Tobirama's fingers tightened around his, when he held back.  
  
"Hi," Madara smiled, looking ahead, hoping his hair would hide his face as it was burning.  
  
"Hi," Tobirama breathed out, his tone as soft as it always was.  
  
"Not wearing your blouse today ?" Madara wondered out loud. Not that Tobirama was always wearing his blouse, he did wear a pair of jeans the last time they met, if he remembered correctly. That time when Tobirama fell asleep on his bed, on his last night at the hospital. Gods it felt so old as a memory.  
  
Tobirama huffed. "I'm meeting important people in a moment, so they accept giving some funds for my research. They apparently prefer it when doctors don't wear a blouse when they literally beg for money so they can save lives."  
  
Madara tried not to but he snorted, as Tobirama's tone sounded a bit too sarcastic to him. Tobirama smirked slightly.  
  
"I heard you had an appointment for a brain scan. Is something wrong ?"  
  
"... No," Madara breathed out, looking down at his lap. For, the reason Izuna had wanted him to go through with the brain scan to begin with was Tobirama. His .. feelings for Tobirama that Obito spoke about and had him so lost in thoughts that his brother started to think something was wrong with him. And even now, as he was realizing that Tobirama had come to him because he heard about the scan, Madara couldn't help feeling his heart beat slightly faster in his chest and his fingers tighten around Tobirama's. "I'm fine. My brain is fine. Just a check up."  
  
Tobirama seemed to relax, by his side, he slightly turned to him and Madara did so too, he looked up into the other man's eyes. They were close, somehow, their knees touching because of their position on the bench, still holding hands and Tobirama breathed out slowly.  
  
"I .. should go, I can't be late," he whispered, eventually, glancing down at his watch.  
  
Madara hesitated, for a second, he couldn't help looking around, to make sure there wouldn't be too many witnesses of what he was planning to do, then he wrapped his free arm around Tobirama's neck, pulled him into a hug, he closed his eyes when he felt Tobirama's breathing hitch and his body go tense with the contact. He did lighten his hold on the other man, as if to tell him he could pull back at any moment but Tobirama didn't, more surprised with the sudden hug than he was uncomfortable with it. Madara rubbed his shoulder slowly, when Tobirama rested his head on his, relaxing.  
  
"Good luck with the meeting," he wished him. "You're going to blow their mind."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Tobirama shivered, as they parted again. He shot him a glance, he breathed out as if to give himself some courage, then retrieved his vest from where he had folded it on the bench, he slipped it on and smiled.  
  
"Have someone call me, the next time you come here," he offered as he was adjusting his collar. "I can't be missing your every visit, can I ?"  
  
"Wait," Madara breathed out, frowning. "You knew, the last time I came ? And you didn't come meet me?"  
  
"I had my hands in someone's chest, trying to fix their heart," Tobirama shrugged. "I must go now. See you later."  
  
With that, Tobirama turned around, headed for the closest door leading inside the hospital and it took a moment for Madara to breath again.  
  
For this probably was one of the strangest, disconcerting but also hottest excuse someone ever told him. And he was quick to curse, as he didn't think to ask Tobirama his number.  
  
Gods he was such an idiot.


	4. Chapter 4

Obito was the worst. But he had been right about one thing, at least. Sitting Izuna down on the couch and telling him the whole story did help. There was some yelling, as Izuna cursed and insulted him for having been so stupid, for having thought that doing drugs was a good idea and he promised to kill him if he ever did drugs again but he hugged him right after that, so hard Madara wondered if he wasn't going to suffocate on the spot.  
  
But it did work. And, of course, the moment he told Obito, the nurse became … insufferable. Adding to that the fact that he had noticed Tobirama and went to the vending machines on purpose to give the doctor a chance to chat with his "favorite patient" as he kept saying, Madara literally couldn't deal with him anymore and he was getting headaches from rolling his eyes so much. Obito was such a brat when he put his mind into it and Madara was glad he was a bit too busy with work to come bother him at Izuna's home.  
  
He thought he was, at first, at least. But the days were passing slowly, one after the other, more and more boring as reading was fine for a moment but he was getting restless too quickly. He needed something to do, he needed to leave the house sometimes, to meet with people, to have some proper activity. His neurologist's words kept ringing in his brain, as he had told him to go as a slow pace, to not rush anything and Madara was hating it but what else could he do ?  
  
Izuna had been quite taken aback, when he saw him looking at job offers, the other evening. He had talked him out of it, saying the doctors had said he'd need some months more of rest and checkings to make sure he now was completely healthy and had recovered entirely from the accident and the coma.  
  
But Madara was feeling more and more like a caged lion, pacing around in a too small cage, tired and restless at the same time. Feeling the best he had in a long time, as he had stopped each and everyone of his excesses at the same time, smoking included but chained back by the doctors' opinion and his brother's bienveillance. It was frustrating, to have to wait.  
  
It wasn't helping, that the moments when he wasn't doing anything remotely productive, his thoughts kept drifting to Tobirama. Oh, he regretted not asking his number, he really should have, saying something like "Maybe if I had your number, I could call you, the next time I come." It would have been so easy but he had been so surprised with the effect Tobirama's words had on him. That glance as well, the nonchalance when he spoke of having his hands in someone else's chest. Was Tobirama aware of the effect he had on him on this moment? Did he realize how hot he had sounded ?  
  
Gods, it had been so long someone had so much effect on him. Not that anyone had the chance to try, considering he had been in a coma. But even before that. Even before the accident, when he had hookups at the club, or at some guys' places. It had been nothing but feelingless sex, nothing but carnal pleasure and Madara had gotten so used to it that he had forgotten what it was like, to actually like someone the way he liked Tobirama. But boy, did it feel good. Refreshing. Pleasing. And he couldn't help wanting more and more. He couldn't help wanting Tobirama whole.  
  
Today, though, was one of these days when Madara couldn't sit still. He couldn't do anything without throwing it away again the next minute, frustrated it wasn't a good enough distraction to him, that it was never enough to busy him. He wanted to go out but had nowhere to go, Izuna had gone to the grocery store the previous day, and he wasn't needing anything. And he kept shifting and shifting, sitting on the couch first as he tried to read, going on the computer, watching television but nothing worked. Nothing felt even slightly right and Madara hesitated, for a while, eyeing his phone from the side but he eventually grabbed it and sent a text to Obito, asking him if he wanted to hang out.  
  
It took some time for Obito to answer, enough time for Madara to be bored again but the answer made him feel even worse as Obito stated he was at work. A second text arrived soon, though. Obito was inviting him to come to his place for dinner. Madara was quick to accept.  
  
Obito was living in an apartment complex in the city. It wasn't the kind of place Madara would have imagined for him but, then again, he never exactly wondered where Obito was living. They did talk a lot, especially back when he still was in the hospital and couldn't sleep at night but Obito always seemed to want to keep his private life for himself. He never shared much about himself, despite how much Madara probed him sometimes. Maybe he didn't like talking about himself, or maybe he preferred to keep his distances with people. Either way, Madara respected his boundaries. He did ask but never demanded answers.  
  
The building was a modern one and the address Obito had sent him by text indicated the top floor, which Madara reached with the elevator. He had taken the bus to come here, after Izuna dropped him at the nearest stop and Izuna had say he'd come get him when they're be finished with their night. For a moment, Madara was about to ask to borrow Izuna's car but something at the back of his mind stopped him to. Driving didn't seem too appealing, somehow, even despite how he couldn't remember a thing from the accident, even with how he hadn't even been driving when it happened. It just made him uncomfortable and sitting on the passenger seat was weirding him out enough already.  
  
There were only two doors when Madara reached the right floor and he knocked at the left one, as mentioned in the message. He startled hard, when he heard some barking. A lot of it. Did Obito have dogs ? And how many did he have ? How did he never speak of them ?  
  
The barking stopped as suddenly as it had started, the door opened and Madara's eyes widened slightly when he realized that the person he was facing wasn't Obito at all. It was a tall guy with messy grey hair and a scar on one eye and he stared back at him, long enough for Madara to start feeling uncomfortable. And he cleared his throat, scratching the back of his head, he looked away.  
  
"Sorry, I must have the wrong address," he apologized, mentally cursing as he probably read something wrong in the text. But the man smiled, slightly tilting his head to the side.  
  
"You must be Madara? Please come in, Obito's taking a shower," the man answered and his tone was nothing but sweet.  
  
There were many dogs. All of them sitting in a line in the entry hall, curiously looking at him as the man was closing the door behind him and Madara smiled. Dogs were amazing and these seemed to be welcoming him in their own way.  
  
"Obi," the man eventually called, motioning at Madara to follow at the same time. "Your friend is here."  
  
"I'll be ready in a minute !" Was Obito's answer from what seemed to be the other side of the apartment.  
  
The living room, as the man led him there, was cozy, looking so comfortable and made to be enjoying lazy evening at home and Madara tried not to hum approvingly when he sat on the couch, following the man there in silence.  
  
"I'm Kakashi," he introduced himself, holding out his hand and Madara shook it. "Obito's been talking about you so much, it's a pleasure to finally meet you."  
  
"Ah," was all Madara managed to mutter. For he had no idea who this man was, for Obito. A friend, probably. A roommate ? Were they sharing the flat ?  
  
His thoughts were cut short when Obito arrived, his hair still wet and pulling his shirt down, he offered them a sorry smile and chuckled.  
  
"Hi, sorry, I got lost in thoughts," Obito apologized and he made his way to Madara, literally stepping over the coffee table, just so he could hug him. "Hi," he said again, laughing when Madara rolled his eyes at his antics. "Did you find easily ?"  
  
"It was fine," Madara shrugged, pushing him away slightly. He was a bit uncomfortable, with how Kakashi was just sitting there, right next to him, reading something on his phone, looking completely unaffected with whatever was happening around. So absorbed in his reading. It made Madara wonder what he was reading in the first place.  
  
"Good, good," Obito smiled, then looked up at the other man. "You're still not staying ?"  
  
"Mah," Kakashi shrugged, looking up and smiling. "You have fun with your friend, I called Tenzou, we're meeting downtown."  
  
Obito faked a dramatic sigh, to which Kakashi answered with a slight laugh. Then, Kakashi stood, slipping his phone into his pocket, he leaned down to peck Obito's lips gently, making the nurse blush, then took his leave, the army of dogs obediently following after him.  
  
Madara was left to stare at Obito. For he hadn't expected this. Where the two of them dating ? But .. but Obito never even hinted a boyfriend. He never even spoke of being interested by relationships.  
  
"You have a boyfriend," Madara couldn't help to stupidly point out the moment the front door closed, the words slipping out his lips without control.  
  
"I have a husband," was Obito's cheeky answer and he showed off the ring he was wearing, one Madara never noticed before. "Have been happily married for the last five years."  
  
"What," Madara mumbled, entirely too surprised. What the hell ? How ? Well, alright, maybe he didn't know Obito much but. Married ? For five years ? With that hot guy ?  
  
"I hit the jackpot, didn't I," Obito snorted, scratching his hair and looking toward the front door dreamily. "We're childhood friends, I've known Kakashi forever. One day, he took me on a date and it just .. happened."  
  
"And you never told me," Madara rolled his eyes. Not that he ever considered getting married, not even once but it didn't mean he judged anyone courageous enough to try it.  
  
"I .. was supposed to stay professional, when I kept watch on you," Obito reminded him with a pointed look. "But you're not a patient anymore."  
  
"You never even wore your ring before," Madara stated, ignoring Obito's words.  
  
"I can't wear rings when I'm working," Obito shrugged. "And I usually take it out of habit when I know I must go to the hospital."  
  
There wasn't much Madara could say about it, really, once the surprise had passed, once he had registered the info. For Obito was looking very much in love, seeing his smile and the way he was unconsciously touching his ring it was endearing, in a way, and Kakashi had seemed to be a good person, for the few minutes they spent together. And it was all that mattered.  
  
Spending time with Obito was .. refreshing. To be out of Izuna's house, without having it to be at the hospital, to be somewhere new and to be chatting with that guy who had become his friend in the most ridiculous way, seeing how Obito had been his nurse and his company when Madara couldn't sleep .. The more time he was spending with him, the happier Madara was feeling. He hadn't had a friend like Obito in a long time, he hadn't shared this kind of simple friendship with anyone in years. It was simple and it was quick and Madara was growing more and more attached to this guy and Obito, as aware as he was of it, kept teasing him about it, he kept taunting him but also kept hugging him, or merely touching him, whenever he could.  
  
Madara found himself starved for these innocent touches, for the simplest of Obito's gestures. Izuna held him a lot, after all but it wasn't the same. Izuna was his brother and they always were close. Obito was a friend. A quick friend and Madara wasn't sure he would have been that comfortable, with anyone else.  
  
Still. With each passing minute, and how he now knew Obito was married, Madara couldn't help wondering if these touches shouldn't stop.  
  
Obito ordered pizza for dinner. There was a big dinner table with comfortable chairs but Obito insisted they ate on the couch, keeping paper towels at hands, as well as soda bottles as drinks and Madara was enjoying the moment a lot. He had known Obito was of good company, he had a whole month to learn about it but it was different. To be here at Obito's place, just the two of them, leaning against each other as they were enjoying their dinner in silence. In relative silence, at least.  
  
"So, how are you feeling lately ?"  
  
Madara tried not to sigh, as he was shifting away slightly. He wasn't sure what Obito meant. Well, he did, it was obvious enough but. Was he talking about something in particular ?  
  
"I'm fine," Madara mumbled, shrugging.  
  
"Sure you are," Obito snorted, then he rolled his eyes. "You're looking terrible again. What's on your mind ?"  
  
"Are you my therapist ?" Madara glanced at the other man, and he shook his head.  
  
"Well, someone gotta force you to talk, since you actually don't go to the therapist anymore."  
  
Madara huffed. "Izuna has a job, I can't exactly ask him to miss it to drive me there every time I need an appointment. And I can't ask you either."  
  
Obito breathed out through the nose, he scratched the back of his head.  
  
"There's an allowance the hospital gives out to people in need," he explained, his tone nothing but professional for a moment. "I'm not sure you got all the requirements but you could maybe fill the form, see if the hospital can help. You do need to see your therapist."  
  
"Do I," Madara huffed, looking away. He probably did, it did feel good to be able to freely talk with his psychologist back when he still was in the hospital. She never judged, she never gave her personal opinion. She only asked the right questions and left him to answer them on his own and find his own way. And it was better than just sitting at Izuna's and wait.  
  
"Madara," Obito spoke and he sounded suddenly way too serious. "You were in a coma for five months. You were hit by a car so hard you almost died. You allowed yourself entire days of being high and drunk and fucking with strangers just because you didn't like how your life was. All this can't be resolved in the short therapy you had in the hospital. It's a long run. And it'll require a lot of efforts and work on yourself."  
  
Madara squinted at Obito for an instant, at how focused he was. For this wasn't his friend talking anymore, not at all. It was the nurse in Obito and he hadn't expected the conversation to turn so serious so quickly and he was at loss of words for a moment. But he nodded, eventually.  
  
"Get me the form, I'll fill it," he muttered, looking away.  
  
"Don't look so gloomy," Obito snorted, he shook his head. "Don't forget the important part .."  
  
"Which is …?" Madara questioned, intrigued.  
  
"Well, each time you go to the hospital, you have a chance to meet with doctor Senju," Obito smirked. "And from what I've seen the other day, he's quite happy when he sees you as well."  
  
Madara huffed, as he felt his cheeks heat up.  
  
"It's not like that," he stated, trying to sound as confident as he could and falling, probably.  
  
"Sure it's not," Obito snorted and he hit his shoulder playfully in teasing. "The guy rarely speaks to anyone and he walked up to you and you two hugged and he smiled. And gods, I have no idea how one resists that smile."  
  
"Aren't you married ?" Madara pointed out, hoping to escape the subject. Tobirama's smile sure was amazing. And his smirk had done things to him.  
  
"Being married doesn't mean I can't say a guy is hot when I see one. Also, Kakashi totally thinks you two are going to end up together."  
  
"What, no," Madara rolled his eyes and he laughed as he shook his head. "It's .. I don't think he sees me like that. Not after what he told me."  
  
There was a silence, during which Madara wondered if he had said too much. But Obito eventually cleared his throat.  
  
"He spoke of his brother ?" He asked and Madara nodded slowly. "It's a .. well known story at the hospital. That the doctor Senju became a doctor because of what happened to his brother. I fail to see how it changes anything about you."  
  
"He can't … fancy me if he associates me with his dead brother," Madara shrugged. It was obvious enough to him. Tobirama cared that much because he saw in him a chance to save his brother, or his memory of him.  
  
Obito didn't answer. Madara spent the rest of the evening at his place and ended sleeping on the couch as he didn't want to bother Izuna so late and there weren't busses anymore.  
  
He wished he hadn't. Just so he could have avoided the sad glances Obito shot him in the morning.

* * *

His psychologist seemed to be grateful to hear from him, when Madara called her for an appointment. There had been a smile in her voice and she was quick to find him a day and time to which he'd be able to come easily without having to rely on anyone. Nor Izuna, nor Obito, as Madara couldn't stop thinking about that evening he spent at the nurse's and how Obito looked at him in the morning. He had been so annoyed with it and he couldn't face him just now.  
  
Still. Still, as he was riding the bus to go to the hospital, Madara couldn't stop thinking about the brat. He couldn't stop wondering what he was up to, today, if he was working, if he would see him and he was doing his best to focus on these thoughts and not another that kept rolling and rolling in his mind.  
  
For, Tobirama's words were echoing in his brain. How Tobirama had told him to have someone warn him of his presence, the next time he'd come to the hospital. And Madara was wondering if he should do that. If he should ask the person at the front desk to go and call Tobirama's wing and ask if he was available for a chat. The mere thought of it was making Madara uncomfortable, the mere idea of .. begging for Tobirama's presence sounded ridiculous to him but. Gods did he want to. How he wanted to meet with the doctor again, how he wanted to spend time with him, even if for a couple of minutes only. None of their meetings ever lasted long after all. The most amount of time they spent together being the time they shared his bed and slept, so it didn't exactly count. They didn't interact. Not really.  
  
And even if Madara was aware that what he had told Obito was the truth, how Tobirama couldn't fancy him, because he probably associated him to his brother, because what happened to him had been so relatable to the doctor, Madara couldn't help wanting it still. He couldn't help wanting nothing but to get to learn more about Tobirama. Even if his feelings remained unrequited. Even if Tobirama shall never return them. He couldn't care less.  
  
He liked Tobirama and spending time with him was good enough to him.  
  
The bus eventually stopped in front of the hospital, Madara sighed heavily as he exited it, popping up his collar to protect his neck from the rain, cursing as he hadn't thought it'd rain that much, else he would have brought an umbrella with him and he walked to the entry hall, trotted, even, hoping he wasn't going to look too much like a mess.  
  
"Here you are !"  
  
Madara startled so hard at the words that he almost slipped on the wet floor, right after he passed the automatic doors and his eyes went wide in surprise but his heart was quick to settle. Obito was beaming at him so widely that it made him feel instantly good and the nurse was quick to give him an one arm hug. And, just like that, gone were Madara's doubts and apprehensions. Obito wasn't sad for him, he wasn't going to pity him either. Here he was, mocking him for almost falling and Madara wanted nothing but to kiss him for it. He didn't, though. For obvious reasons.  
  
"I thought you wouldn't make it on time," Obito sighed and he rolled his eyes. "The busses are so unreliable."  
  
"How …"  
  
"I asked Izuna," Obito shrugged and he smiled again. "I don't have much time though, I'm on a break. But I got you the form, let's fill it together."  
  
They did just that. Madara had some time before the appointment, the perks of being forced to take the public transportation, if one could call it a perk and they settled together in one of the nurse resting room, Obito stating several times how it was fine and how he had spent too much time in the hospital to not be welcomed almost everywhere he wanted to go and they filled the form together, Obito doing the writing himself and Madara hoping it would go through.  
  
Obito then hugged him. Right there, in the nurse's room, he hugged him tight and placed his hand at the back of his head and Madara closed his eyes as he relaxed, he breathed out slowly.  
  
"Do you want me to accompany you to the office ?"  
  
Madara nodded. Obito walked him to the door and hugged him again in the waiting room before he had to take his leave as he needed to get back to work.  
  
The appointment itself happened smoothly. It was as if he had come regularly since the previous one and Madara was grateful for it. There was no awkwardness, no judgement either. She merely listened to him talk about what had happened since he had left the hospital, how bored he grew sometimes, how restless he was and the way Izuna was mothering him most of the time. She helped him vent, orienting her questions so he would be able to rant and feel better and relax. It did him good. More than he had imagined it would.  
  
Madara was tired by the time the appointment was over with and he wanted one thing only, to go home. But as he was heading downstairs, back to the main hall, Madara couldn't think of one thing and one thing only.  
  
Tobirama, and what he had said the last time they met.  
  
But should he ? Should he really do what Tobirama had told him to ? To just, have him called when he was in the hospital. So they could see each other again, so they could meet.  
  
Madara hesitated. For a long time, as he was walking along the hall, almost passed the main desk and he tried to ignore it all, he tried to think of something else but couldn't. And he stopped at the desk, running his hand through his hair as a nervous gesture, he cleaned his throat.  
  
"Excuse me," he tried a polite smile at the tired look he was given. "Is the doctor Senju around today ?"  
  
"Do you have an appointment with him ?"  
  
Madara blinked, he pinched his lips.  
  
"I don't, but .. could you please tell him I'm here ? I'm Madara."  
  
The woman looked at him tiredly, then she sighed.  
  
"Next time, please ask for his number," she stated, rolling her eyes.  
  
Madara wished he could have disappeared, under her judging stare as she dialed the number and spoke with the person from the right wing's standard. Even her tone was terribly sarcastic as she was talking, not caring he could hear everything she was saying and she didn't hesitate to say he had heavily insisted. Which wasn't the truth but he was too tired to argue anyways. All he wanted at the moment, was to know if Tobirama was around and if they could meet.  
  
"He's on his way."  
  
"Thank you," Madara was quick to say. It wasn't enough to appease her mood, obviously but he turned away, heading for the seats a little further away, he sat down and grabbed his phone for distraction.  
  
He texted Obito. Told him his appointment went well. He knew Obito wouldn't be able to read the text just now, he probably was busy as hell but he wanted him to know. It wasn't much. But Obito had been the one to encourage him to see the therapist again.  
  
But he soon was distracted as he heard the nearby elevator ding, as the doors were opening and he looked up. Tobirama didn't notice him right away. He was looking around, his hands in his blouse pockets and Madara couldn't help smiling at the sigh. Tobirama did look handsome, with his blouse. It was a look that suited him quite nicely.  
  
The smile that pulled at Tobirama's lips the moment he spotted him, though, was priceless. For it was so genuine, so heartfelt and Madara felt his heart beat harder in his chest, he felt warmth spread down his belly and he stood, slowly walked to the man.  
  
"Hi," he whispered, as Tobirama averted his eyes. "I hope I'm not bothering you."  
  
"Hi," Tobirama breathed out and he smiled as well. "No, I was .. I have a surgery programmed in a bit, I can't stay long."  
  
Madara did try to ignore the pang in his chest, at the thought that Tobirama would have to leave soon but it wasn't an easy task and he looked away, he cleared his throat. Gods, he wished they could spend a little more time together. More than these short, way too short meetings at the hospital. What he wanted was a date, really, but as he had told Obito, there were no chance Tobirama wasn't associating him with his dead brother. And that wouldn't do for dating. Or anything remotely romantic.  
  
Still, seeing the doctor was .. great. And he wanted to hold his hand or hug him but couldn't. He could see, from the corner of his eye, the woman from the welcome desk watch them curiously. And he didn't like it.  
  
"Another scan today ? Is everything alright?"  
  
Madara smiled, at the curious tone, he huffed.  
  
"I was convinced to see my therapist again," he admitted, shrugging. "I have things to solve and need help."  
  
"I hope it helps," Tobirama answered with a short nod. Then he cleared his throat. "It's not much but there are vending machines over there. Want a coffee ?"  
  
Madara nodded before he could think about it, wondering why it sounded cute to begin with, then he followed Tobirama along the hall, until they reached a waiting room with, indeed, vending machines. It was quite austere all in all, with white walls and light grey tiles on the floor. It made Madara feel uncomfortable. He didn't like being here but the touch of Tobirama's fingers at the small of his back helped him relax and he followed, as he was being led to the machines.  
  
"I wouldn't have thought you sensitive to the hospital atmosphere after all the time you spent here," he said. But there was no judgement on his words. It was merely a statement. "What do you drink ?"  
  
"Hot cocoa please," Madara breathed out, trying not to lean into the touch as Tobirama wasn't moving his hand away from his back. The quirk of Tobirama's lips made him huff, Madara was aware that it wasn't exactly a drink that suited him, not when one looked at him but the man didn't comment, he ordered it and handed him the paper cup when it was ready.  
  
"There's something I wanted to ask for a moment," Madara eventually murmured. They were close, he didn't have to speak up and Tobirama still hadn't let go of him. If anything, this didn't feel like they were in the middle of the waiting room, with people waiting to walk in on them. "You .. showed me the kittens, back when I was in the coma. How are they ?"  
  
The smile that pulled at Tobirama's lips probably was the sweetest thing Madara ever saw in a long time and it was coupled with a tint of pink on his cheeks and a glance away, as if he were embarrassed with it. But he didn't say a word, as he pulled his phone from his pocket, forced to let go this time as there was nowhere he could put his cup down, he searched on his phone and handed it to him.  
  
Madara had expected a picture of the cat and her kittens. Not a selfie Tobirama had taken with the whole litter sleeping on his chest, snuggled on him like he were their personal heater, mom cat sitting right next to him, looking over at her babies. Gorgeous a man, Tobirama was, beautiful in his casual clothes, looking so relaxed with his babies and Madara's breath was short and his heart hurt in his chest as this was too much for him.  
  
Gods, he was in love indeed. So very much.  
  
"I took them to the vet, she said they're all healthy and good," Tobirama spoke, his tone nothing but sweet. "I'll have them vaccinated when they're big enough, chipped so they're officially mine too."  
  
"Are you keeping all of them?"  
  
"I have a big house," Tobirama nodded. "They'll have a lot of space to run around and make me crazy."  
  
"They're adorable," Madara whispered but his eyes were fixed on the Tobirama on the picture still. Until Tobirama was putting his phone away again and he looked up at the man, smiling when Tobirama's fingers touched his, when Tobirama entwined their fingers in a gentle gesture.  
  
"They all sleep on my bed," Tobirama stated, and his smile didn't seem to be fading just now. "And they keep following me around and meowing all the time."  
  
Madara couldn't help chuckling at the mental image, and Tobirama shifted slightly away.  
  
"Maybe .. you could come meet them someday," he shrugged, trying to sound detached but Madara knew better. "At my place. If you like."  
  
Madara was breathless for a moment. For he wasn't sure what he was supposed to understand. He wasn't sure he had heard well to begin with and he didn't answer at first, he kept staring right in front of him, unmoving. Gods, he was being so awkward, and Tobirama was probably going to be weirded out with him. But he was the one who had just invited him to his place ! And he had to say something. He did. Anything.  
  
"I .. should give you my number then," Madara's lips and throat worked on their own, being clever for him, for once. "So you can tell me when I can come."

* * *

Madara couldn't stop thinking of the flush on Tobirama's cheeks when he had offered to give his number. Gods, it had been so adorable, so extremely cute and he wanted nothing but to see this expression again.  
  
And now, he was waiting for Tobirama to call him. Or send him a text. Anything, really, and everytime his phone buzzed, his heart did that weird thing in his chest and his hands became moist and he was dreading to unlock his phone to check what the notification had been about. But Tobirama hadn't contacted him yet. And Madara was feeling like an idiot, to be reacting like this all the time.  
  
The worst part in this, though, wasn't that Tobirama hadn't called or texted yet. It was that Izuna had guessed what was happening, he had noticed his change of behavior and had talked about it with Obito, apparently. And now, the two of them wouldn't stop teasing him all the time about it, they wouldn't stop telling him to chill and just be patient. Madara was patient ! He did his best anyways. Also, he was well aware that they had decided to send him meaningless texts all the time just to bother him as well. The minxes. He hated them so much.  
  
But he understood them as well. Mostly, he understood Izuna. For Izuna never exactly saw him act this way before, not even when they were younger. Madara never was one to have crushes. He wasn't one to fall in love, not to the point he was feeling like he had lost half his mind and couldn't think properly anymore. Because it was the case here and gods, he never felt so obsessed with someone as he was with Tobirama. But things were different.  
  
That .. link he had with Tobirama was, in simple words, out of this world and how could Madara ever react normally in such a situation ?  
  
And he kept wondering if he hadn't fell in love back when he still was in the coma, when Tobirama visited him and held his hand and spent time with him.  
  
It was stupid, wasn't it ? But Madara couldn't stop thinking about it.  
  
Tonight was a simple evening, though. As Madara was lying on the couch, watching a TV show he read about during the afternoon while trying to find something to do, Izuna working on his laptop in the nearby chair, the glasses he rarely ever wore on top of his nose and his face lit up with the blue light coming from his screen. Madara had tried getting him to take a pause several times already, in vain and he had given up for now. But he did roll his eyes, when his phone went off with yet another really unwanted text and he didn't even make any move to grab his phone. He knew it was Izuna. Or Obito. Either of them or both, even. Why bother moving ?  
  
Madara sighed at the sound of his text alert, when it went off again, tightening his hold on his throw pillow as he was glancing at Izuna.  
  
"I get it you know," he groaned, keeping an eye on the television so he wouldn't miss part of the plot. "You're fourteen and laughing because I have a crush. And Obito is just as immature as you are. Could you two leave me be now ?"  
  
Izuna looked up. He wasn't looking surprised with the words, Madara did try talking them out of their teasing before and it probably was going to be just another failed attempt at making them stop but he was so annoyed with them.  
  
"I'm not …," Izuna started but he stopped when Madara offered him a doubtful stare and a raised eyebrow. "Alright it's actually very funny to tease you because you have like, no self control and always react so strongly. But .. I'm actually happy for you, you know ?"  
  
Madara didn't answer. Izuna was a bully, that's what he was. He was being bullied by his little brother. Gods.  
  
"I ..," Izuna hesitated. For a long time, thinking over his words, looking like he wasn't sure he wanted to talk to begin with. Until he pushed his laptop away and folded his glasses down in his chair's armrest. "I was … I was shocked, you know ? When you told me about the club and the guys you met there and what you did with them. I was angry when you told me but then, when I was able to think it through, I was … I am sad, Madara. Sad to think you've been through all this and thought it was a good thing."  
  
"I was an addict," Madara rolled his eyes, the word foreign on his tongue. His therapist had told him to use it though, so he was trying to. Apparently, it was supposed to help him accept the truth of these moments. Madara wasn't sure he wanted it. "And high out of my mind non stop during these nights."  
  
"But you were clean for the rest of the month, weren't you ?" Izuna pointed out and he waited for Madara to nod, to continue. "But you still thought it was a good thing and you kept.. doing this. Each month. For so long."  
  
"It was all I had."  
  
"No it wasn't," Izuna frowned slightly. "A single word from you and I would have taken you in just as I did when you left the hospital. Same for the boys. For our parents. But you didn't. You kept all of it for yourself and it almost killed you."  
  
"Can we go back to the part when you said you were happy for me ?"  
  
Izuna breathed in deeply through the nose, he looked up for a second then sighed.  
  
"I tease you, yes. But. Do you realize how much you smile lately ? Do you realize you hum in the morning when you make breakfast ? That you sometimes look lost in thoughts and then blush ?" Izuna was quick to whisper, a fond smile on the lips. "I have no memory of you being like that. None, not even before you left home for college. You were always .. closed off, even if caring. But here, with your crush on him, you're .. glowing. And it makes me so happy for you."  
  
Madara was struck for a moment. Surely, he wasn't smiling for no reason, was he ? And blushing ? Nope, really not. But the exact moment he thought of Tobirama, the exact moment he wondered if this was his effect on him, he felt his muscles relax again and his fingers clench on the pillow under his head, as if searching for warmth, for his hand and he cursed. It made Izuna laugh.  
  
"I'm not glowing."  
  
Izuna snorted. "Of course not, grump," he teased. He then checked his phone. "But, you know, these texts weren't from me. And Obito just said they aren't his either, as he's busy. So…"  
  
Madara moved so fast he hurt his back in the process and winced and bumped his knee against the coffee table. Izuna laughed for the rest of the night.

* * *

It took Tobirama a couple of days of texting at some quite irregular intervals to finally invite him to come meet with the kittens. For, he sometimes answered the next minute and, most of the times, hours later, saying he had been in the theatre for all that time. He was busy. Very much so.  
  
But he had invited him in the late afternoon and Madara was nervous. Which he should be, since this sounded much like a date to him. And it was stupid because he had no idea if Tobirama considered it a date. He had no idea Tobirama even was interested in him this way. Holding hands was one thing. That blush when Madara had asked his number as well. But. It could mean basically everything else than romantic interest in him.  
  
Madara still made sure to not look too bad, brushing his hair, thankful Izuna still was at work at this hour so he wouldn't see his brother laugh at him. Finding casual clothes that fitted him, and going through all of it, Madara realized he needed to throw away some of it, including the outfits he used to wear at the club. And maybe some of the suits he used to wear at work. Or he could give them to charity. He'd think about it.  
  
Tobirama's house was big. Bigger than Madara had imagined and he was struck for a moment when he exited the taxi and stared at the house. It was old, the kind of style Madara only ever saw from afar. Did he buy it himself ? Or was it a family heirloom ?  
  
The taxi was long gone when Madara finally moved, when he finally dared walking the two steps to the portal and he pushed it slowly, as Tobirama had told him to, he continued along the cobblestone path to the front door, admiring the trees in the park around the house. This place seemed to be such a peaceful haven. It was beautiful.  
  
Tobirama was quick to answer the door, after Madara pushed the doorbell and Madara was a bit struck again. Such casual clothes on him were unexpected but. Somehow, Madara couldn't help staring, he couldn't help watching him, with his heart beating so hard in his chest and his hand wanted to reach for Tobirama's almost immediately. Gods, it was so ridiculous. And he laughed, when Tobirama smiled and hoping not to sound too awkward, he cleared his throat.  
  
"Hi," he mumbled, as Tobirama was stepping aside to let him in. "Your place is gorgeous."  
  
"Thank you," Tobirama whispered, a slight blush on the cheeks. "It's .. my mother's house but she's been travelling the world for the past years, so I live here for now."  
  
Their attention was soon grabbed when mewling echoed all around the hall. Madara's heart melted at the sound, his eyes widened, he immediately searched for the source of the noise and he tried not to squeal when he realized the kittens and the mother cat had followed Tobirama all the way to the hall, as he came to answer the door. It probably was the most adorable thing he ever saw and they were so fluffy and oh gods, he wanted nothing but to hold them.  
  
Tobirama probably read his mind, as he was closing the door because he soon picked one of the kittens from the floor and gave it to him so he could hold it, quickly followed with another and Madara couldn't resist nuzzling their absolutely soft fur, eyes closed and entirely too happy on the moment.  
  
"Let's .. not stay there," Tobirama cleared his throat and Madara glanced up for a second when Tobirama grabbed his hand but he followed him obediently to the living room, sitting down on the couch Tobirama led him to, he kicked his shoes off without thinking and folded his legs on top of the couch, petting the kittens as softly as he could.  
  
This was .. probably the greatest moment he had lived in a long time. Oh, he wasn't unhappy in his life, even if frustrated to some extent but. He literally had his arms full of two absolutely adorable kittens at the moment and it was amazing and, also, Tobirama was sitting so close, he was right there with him, his knee against his and Madara could smell his perfume too. All he wanted, was to lean to the side and silently ask for a hug but he didn't. Mostly because he didn't want to bother the kittens playing with his hair.  
  
"Now, I thought you were a cat person but hadn't imagined it'd be to this point," Tobirama commented softly, his tone nothing but sweet, his eyes focused on him and his smile the cutest.  
  
"A cat person ? Me ?" Madara huffed with in fake annoyance. "I .. I adore cats. I had cats back before I moved out for College. We had cats. But I couldn't have pets in the dorms. And my last landlord didn't allow them either."  
  
"Couldn't you .. move out somewhere else ?" Tobirama asked, with a slight frown. Madara shrugged.  
  
"It wasn't … I was different," Madara said, holding back a grimace. "I was fucked up."  
  
Tobirama didn't look away despite how Madara thought he would, at the words. For he did speak of this with him before. Even if a little. But never in details and he wasn't sure how Tobirama would react to it. Tobirama was a doctor after all, wasn't he ? He knew what drugs did to someone, better than anyone else, same with alcohol.  
  
Still. Tobirama didn't think him crazy, when Madara had told him about his coma delirium. He didn't judge, he didn't laugh either. He merely accepted it, based on his own experience, on what happened to his own brother. And maybe, just maybe, it was yet another reason why Madara liked him so much.  
  
"You don't have to tell me if you don't feel like it," Tobirama whispered and his hand touched the small of his back and Madara shivered so hard he wondered if he hadn't trembled on the spot. "But we can focus on who you are now, if you prefer."  
  
"Thank you," was Madara's breathed out answer. He took a shaky breath in, he closed his eyes for a second. "It feels so foreign, sometimes. Like it wasn't even me."  
  
"It wasn't, in a way," Tobirama stated. "You say you were different. So the person you were back then, and the one you are now are not the same. And these memories belong to them. Not you."  
  
"Are you sure you're a surgeon and not a psychologist?" Madara joked, hoping to hide his discomfort. "Because you sure sound like mine."  
  
"I'm a doctor," Tobirama shrugged, as if it were enough an answer.  
  
Madara was about to ask something that probably was stupid, but he was interrupted when mother cat jumped on top of the couch, walked to him to inspect her babies as they still were in his arms, playing with the tip of his hair. Madara couldn't help smiling at her, she was beautiful after all and he petted her head, her purring quick to be heard all around.  
  
"Where are the others," Tobirama mumbled, shifting so he could look around and he picked the two remaining kittens from the carpet, laid them down again on the couch and made himself comfortable by Madara's side, closer than before. It was a shame the man wasn't touching the small of his back anymore, Madara couldn't help but think. But it would probably be uncomfortable, seeing how Tobirama now was positioned by his side.  
  
And soon, the other two kittens were settling in his lap, also playing with the tip of his hair and Tobirama emitted an amused sound.  
  
"Alright, you must tell me how you're doing this," he groaned, shifting and sighing. "My older brother can't approach them and you're coming for the first time and they just adopted you."  
  
"Cats love me," Madara shrugged, trying to sound as detached as possible. But he wanted nothing but to smile at the comment, at how sweet Tobirama had sounded on the moment and he cleared his throat, petting the kittens in turns. "So, you have an older brother."  
  
"Yes, Hashirama," Tobirama nodded slowly. "And two younger .. one I already spoke of, the other is in med school, on his way to become a pediatrician."  
  
Madara wished he could go back on his words. Why would he speak of Tobirama's brothers, knowing what had happened to one of them ? Did Tobirama sound even slightly bothered with the subject ? Not at all. But still. "I .. sorry, I shouldn't have asked."  
  
"Why not," Tobirama asked, then he lowered his eyes. "What happened to my brother was… years ago. I've grieved him and I've accepted his death. I'm comfortable to talk about him. Especially if it's with you. Considering."  
  
Madara looked up, his heart so heavy in his chest. Tobirama offered him a sad smile.  
  
"As I said before, it's easy to talk to you," Tobirama repeated the words from that time he spent the night in his room, in his bed. Words that broke Madara's heart and it was breaking again today. "Nothing is ever that easy."  
  
But Tobirama didn't look sad afterwards. He didn't close off, he didn't ask him to leave. He allowed the silence to take over, allowed it to wash away their mood and the kittens soon were asking for attention again and Madara provided happily, kissing their little heads the best he could, petting them, trying to shift towards Tobirama as discreetly as he could. He wanted to hold Tobirama's hand, so badly but couldn't as his were full of the babies and the mother cat had settled between them and stopping them from getting any closer by now. Not that Madara would force it, he had no idea how Tobirama would react to it, really. But. Still. Tobirama had been the one to hold his hand, to touch him first.  
  
Hell, Tobirama had seen his brain. He had seen him whole. Nothing could ever compare to this.  
  
Madara stayed for dinner. He and Tobirama ate around a beautiful wooden dinner table a meal Tobirama had improvised for them after he had offered him to stay and Madara had helped him chop some vegetables and he had remained in the kitchen for how long Tobirama had been cooking. And what a great cook Tobirama was, really. This man was skilled in many ways, Madara was convinced of it. And gods was he fancying all of it.  
  
And they spoke. Not too much, Tobirama seemed to prefer to listen rather than talk but it was enough. He listened carefully when Madara answered him. And, as usual, Madara couldn't help talking too much. Which Tobirama didn't seem to mind.  
  
They went back to the living room, after dinner. And they did hold hands then. Their fingers entwined, looking at each other easily. Tobirama strangely amused for some reason as he kept holding back a smile and Madara couldn't stop staring. Gods, that man was so beautiful. So gorgeous in every way and he wanted nothing but to hold him and kiss him. It would be quite a perfect setting, considering, with the soft, sifted lights and the music as Tobirama had judged it a good thing to play some as a background noise.  
  
Madara didn't dare kissing him, though. Too self-conscious. Not certain Tobirama felt the same. Not even sure Tobirama wouldn't slap him for it and so he kept this for himself, he held back. He tried not to imagine it.  
  
The taxi was late, when the two of them walked to the gate. It was time for Madara to go home now, the sun had long set and the moon was high in the sky, it was even a little cold by now. Tobirama had insisted to wait for his ride with him and here they were now.  
  
"And I swear," Madara couldn't help laughing, as Tobirama was listening to him carefully again. "That was the last time I allowed Izuna to touch my computer."  
  
Tobirama snorted, nodding his head as if he knew exactly what he was talking about, as if one of his brothers did mess with his stuff that badly before and he was going to say something, but he looked to the side and Madara followed his gaze.  
  
The sight of the taxi car stopping by them and waiting made him feel .. uncomfortable, to say the least. For part of him didn't want to go, not at all. He wanted to stay right where he was. To keep learning more and more about this man. He wanted to continue feeling like this. Feeling like he and Tobirama were on a date. A romantic date. Gods, just to think he'd have to let go of Tobirama's hand …  
  
"Your coach has arrived," Tobirama teased, which made Madara laugh, even if dryly. Did he really have to go ? "I'll now have to go feed the babies. Talk them to sleep."  
  
"You do talk to them a lot," Madara commented without thinking.  
  
"That's something I do. Talk. When I feel like I'm being listened to."  
  
Madara nodded, keeping his eyes set aside, half lost in his own thoughts. He didn't want to let go. He didn't want to leave. But he looked up, when Tobirama's words hit him. When he realized Tobirama wasn't only talking about the kittens, but about him as well. How he had talked to him so much when he was in the coma. How he returned, night after night, even if not on every night, to talk to him. Even if it was just to tell him about his day. How he didn’t seem to mind talking to him about personal things either, when other people thought him to be closed off.  
  
Tobirama smiled, softly. Madara couldn't resist, this time. His hand went to the back of Tobirama's head, he pulled him down. He kissed him hard.  
  
There was no resistance, though. Surprise, at first, at the sudden gesture but then, Tobirama kissed back, his free arm wrapped around his lower back, his lips the sweetest treat against his. Madara could barely believe it, he could barely comprehend this was happening. Was it his brain playing tricks on him ? If so, it was cruel and he didn't want it. Or it was real and Madara wanted to make the best of it.  
  
Who knew, after all ? This could be their one and only kiss. Nobody could tell there ever was going to be another. Even if Madara sure hoped so.  
  
They parted when they needed air. They didn't speak. Well, Madara didn't speak. Tobirama spoke.  
  
"The taxi is waiting."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaah I forgot to post this yesterday ! I'm so sorry guys !
> 
> Anyways this is the last chapter and I hope you all enjoy the ending ! I've had fun writing it and fun reading your comments and thank you to those who didn't comment either <3

Three weeks had passed, since that evening. Three weeks and Madara had received no news from Tobirama. No message, no call, nothing. Not even when he told him he was at the hospital for one of his appointments. Tobirama never answered him, not even once and Madara was well aware of what it meant. So he stopped, eventually. He stopped trying, despite how bad it was making him feel.  
  
Because that kiss .. that amazing, single kiss had blown his mind. It had made him feel so good. Loved and wanted at the same time. He felt wanted, he knew the feeling, he always knew when a guy had wanted him back when he went to the club. But Love was new, kind of. It was different. It never was like that and it now was all he wanted. For Tobirama to love him back. He yearned for him, for everything he was and it hurt not to hear from him, it hurt Madara to stop sending texts despite how .. desperate he was. But he knew it was the right thing to do. He knew he couldn't force Tobirama into anything, if it wasn't what Tobirama wanted.  
  
And so, Madara kept himself busy. Just to have a reason not to think about it, just to keep his mind off things and it worked, sometimes but not always. It was hard, when he went to bed and lay awake, staring at the ceiling, for hours. When his mind wouldn't stop replaying the moment, when all he could see was Tobirama's smile, when all he could feel was the touch of his lips on his.  
  
He missed Tobirama. A lot. Despite how sparse their meetings had been. Way sparser than Tobirama's visits when he had been in the coma. Madara could count them on his fingers after all. But each one of them had been great in their own way.  
  
Tonight was different, though. For, he was indeed thinking of Tobirama but not only. Tomorrow was an important day and Madara was feeling nervous about it. Restless. Gods he wished he could just take something to relax and go to bed but all he could do at the moment was to blindly stare at the television screen, lost in thoughts, wondering why he couldn't calm down the slightest. Izuna by his side, comfortably snuggled in his own corner of the couch, focused on the movie they had agreed to watch and Madara wished his brother could share some of this calmness with him. He wished Izuna could help him but a soft voice, deep down, kept telling him it wasn't possible. Feelings couldn't be shared like a sandwich or a drink. Not as simple as that anyways.  
  
Izuna's fingers grabbing his hand did help Madara snap out of his thoughts, even if for a second. He glanced at their now joined hands, at his brother and he sighed, scooting closer. He knew Izuna didn't like seeing him like this, he knew Izuna still worried so much about him but. What could he do more ? He had gone to each and every of his appointments with his therapist, he has talked with her in lengths and she did help and he did feel better for a while but the effect of her words never worked long enough. She said it was his to entertain these better feelings. It was such hard work, though.  
  
"Big day tomorrow."  
  
Izuna's words rose his anxiety levels to a whole new high and Madara swallowed, as he nodded. He didn't resist when Izuna pulled him to him, when he wrapped an arm around him and had him place his head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes when Izuna started to run soft fingers through his hair.  
  
"Are you nervous ?"  
  
"Yes," Madara easily admitted, his voice cracking slightly.  
  
Nervous couldn't even begin to describe how he was feeling. It made him roll his eyes.  
  
"Each one of your exams went well until now," Izuna reminded him. "Absolutely no reasons for these to be different."  
  
Madara was well aware of it, of course. He was aware that the different scans and x-rays he would be going through with tomorrow would turn out good because each one he passed ever since he had left the hospital had gone perfectly well. But. He couldn't help thinking, what if?  
  
What if the doctors had missed something before and found it out this time ? What if something, he didn't even know what, had developed since the last time ? What if he had done something that could have damaged his brain ? He did do drugs. Occasionally, that he was willing to admit, some people couldn't function without their doses. But he didn't go soft either, during these free weekends. He couldn't help wondering, sometimes, how he managed not to overdose. Or fall into more hardcore stuff than the already hard drugs he consumed.  
  
What he was thankful for, in this whole story, was the fact that his coma had allowed him to get off them without too much troubles. Even if the morphine pump probably helped. And the fact he was half dead for all that time.  
  
Still. Tomorrow was different. For these exams would be the very last. The last official complete check up that would assert he now was completely healthy. Sure, he would continue to see his therapist but it didn't count. They would acknowledge the state of his body, his organs, all that. Not his mental state or, at least, it wouldn't take a too great part in their conclusions.  
  
It wasn't as if their final report would change his life either. But Madara couldn't help feeling the way he was now.  
  
"I've noticed, you know," Izuna eventually continued as he wasn't answering, his fingers following his strands of hair, combing them in the softest way. "You've been like that since that time you went at Tobirama's. And you don't have to tell me what happened, if you don't want to. But. I'm here to talk still."  
  
"I …"  
  
Madara hesitated. Izuna had said, back then, that he had hoped he had fun. That he didn't have to tell him anything. Obito had been curious and Madara had told him nothing, just to mess with him. He had talked of it with his therapist only. And when he had asked her what she thought about it, she had said it was entirely up to him, to take this decision. If he should discuss it with his loved ones or keep it to himself. And he had been so sure he didn't want to talk about it. But tonight, he was not anymore.  
  
"I kissed him. He was smiling and he was so beautiful and I couldn't resist," Madara whispered, looking away despite how Izuna couldn't see his eyes already. "And he kissed back. But .. he never answered me again afterwards. So .. I'm pretty sure I fucked it up."  
  
"Are you such a bad kisser ?"  
  
Madara couldn't resist the teasing. He tried, he really did but he choked a snort and laughed when Izuna chuckled at his reaction.  
  
"I'm told I'm pretty good," Madara stated, trying to stay as serious as he could be despite how his brother really was laughing at his expanse. "And he was.. holding me. It wasn't just one-sided, I know that. But .."  
  
Madara shrugged. Then he huffed.  
  
"I guess what I told Obito is indeed the truth. Tobirama can't fancy me this way if he associates me with his dead brother."  
  
"Don't say that," Izuna breathed out, much more serious now.  
  
"It's the truth though," Madara eventually whispered, looking up into his brother's eyes and shifting so he could snuggle his side. Not that Izuna seemed to care, as he tightened his arm around him and kissed the top of his head. "It's not even surprising, even. I mean, this whole story .. it was all pretty fucked up, even from me. Of course he'd keep his distances. He's a doctor, he knows better but to even trust some random guy he had to fix up because said guy blacked out while he was high and got hit by a car. And .. the whole thing with remembering him from when I was in the coma, remembering his visits and the sound of his voice and everything he said even .. who would believe that ?"  
  
"I believe it," Izuna muttered against his hair, and his voice sounded so weird but Madara didn't dare looking up again.  
  
"You're my brother, of course you'd believe me," he mumbled, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.  
  
"It has nothing to do with that," Izuna responded almost harshly. "I believe it because I know you wouldn't lie about something like that. Because I know you wouldn't lie to me after .. all this."  
  
Swallowing became suddenly difficult, as Madara's throat tightened and a weight fell down his guts. But he snuggled closer and Izuna kissed the top of his head.  
  
"As for Tobirama, well," Izuna continued after a pause and he cleared his throat. "He cared. Even if because of his brother, he did care a lot. He kept us updated on your state until he was sure you wouldn't need his talents anymore. And he was always so supportive. He's a good person. And I'm sure that the fact he isn't answering has nothing to do with not trusting you. He's probably just very busy."  
  
Madara didn't answer. But he didn't believe it. Tobirama had taken the time to answer him before, even if he had to make him wait for a while beforehand. This was different. Three weeks of complete silence was different.  
  
Izuna didn't push it further, though. He resumed petting his hair, comfortable with their closeness, he didn't push him away, didn't move either and Madara was thankful for it. For it had been a while ever since they last shared a moment like this one. It was true, what Izuna had said, what seemed to be so long ago. He always was closed off before, even when he still had been living with their parents. He always had a hard time expressing his feelings, and words never seemed strong enough to describe them, he never found the right ones to express himself. But this embrace was saying more than words could ever tell. Gods, he loved Izuna so much, for all he had done for him.  
  
"On another subject," Izuna eventually started after taking in a big breath, "I thought about it and talked about it with Obito and .. I mean. If … you could start looking for a job. If that's what you want."  
  
Madara almost couldn't believe his ears, first. Then he looked up at his brother, he sighed.  
  
"I asked you to tell me if .."  
  
"No, Madara," Izuna was quick to shake his head, tightening his hold on him. "It's not about the money or anything. I love having you here. You can stay for how long as you want. But you were looking at offers that other time and I might have overreacted. So, what I'm saying is that .. I'm ready to accept it, if you are ready to work again."  
  
Madara couldn't help smiling at the words and he hummed. "Well, working wouldn't be the problem," he admitted. "But driving …"  
  
"You could try driving my car first," Izuna offered with a slight grimace. "I know you're not comfortable in cars since the accident but .. well, it'd be a start."  
  
"Or I could work from here," Madara shrugged, hoping to hide his discomfort. Driving really wasn't his thing before, he had lived close enough to his workplace to walk there and back everyday. He wasn't sure he would be able to drive again anytime soon though. Even if he couldn't remember the accident.  
  
"Sure," Izuna smiled.  
  
They didn't talk of this more than that. Madara wasn't sure he wanted to, after all. For he knew he'd have to go back to his own life, someday and as tempting as Izuna's offer was, he couldn't just continue to live there forever. He couldn't impose himself to his brother like this. Izuna's job wasn't to take care of him like this, he wasn't his personal nurse or anything and Madara doubted Izuna would manage to ever stop keeping an eye on him the way he did, if he stayed. He'd have to leave, someday. And he hated the mere idea of it.  
  
Instead, they went back to the movie. Not that any of them was ever focused on it. They were too distracted for that. Too lost in thoughts. The contact helped, though. Madara remained against Izuna's side for the rest of the evening.  
  
He didn't sleep the slightest that night.

* * *

The hospital always felt so familiar and foreign at the same time and Madara was taken aback with that sensation each time he found himself between its walls. He had spent so much time here, half a year really, plus all the appointments he had to attend to and these with his therapist. Some people from the staff recognized him. The nurses who took care of him, obviously, the caregivers. Some people from the cleaning staff that he didn't know. They looked at him and smiled and Madara answered with the same gesture. It was simple, really.  
  
Obito was there. Izuna had insisted on accompanying him to the big final check-up, which wasn't surprising but Obito had asked a day off to be able to be around as well and Madara was touched. That brat, as annoying as he could get, truly was a good friend. Madara was glad he could count on him. Glad he could hold his hand while the three of them were in the waiting room, right before his brain scan. They didn't need to talk or fill the silence. And it was good this way.  
  
But being at the hospital wasn't just that. It hurt, almost. It wasn't some outright agony he was feeling but the unstopping, annoying wasting away of his heart. Which probably was an overstatement, but that was how he was anyways. Still. All he could think about at the moment was Tobirama and he had half a million of questions in mind.  
  
Was Tobirama aware of this global check-up? Was he told about it ? Was he going to come ? Did he want to meet with him again ? Was he going to even look at him ? Provide him an excuse as to why he never answered his messages ? Ignore him ? Should Madara tell him he was around ? So they could meet?  
  
And it was going on and on and Madara was tensing each time he was hearing someone walking down the corridors or when a door opened or closed, and he didn't know if he wanted Tobirama to be here or not. Gods he was such an idiot. He shouldn't even be allowed in the society.  
  
The different exams passed in a blur. Madara was too distracted during most of them, so much he, for example, had to go through with the x-rays a couple of times because the images were blurry as he wouldn't stay still long enough. He did try to focus, only if for the technicians. It wasn't easy, though.  
  
All Madara was able to keep, from all this, was the fact that he was healthy. As healthy as one could be after such an accident, as healthy as he'd ever be, considering. He still had a metal plate under the skin to close off his skull, where it shattered and scars that would remain on his body forever. But Madara could live with that, in the end. It wasn't too much a price to pay. It could have ended so much worse than that.  
  
Izuna was happy. Which was an understatement, seeing the big smile that wouldn't leave his lips as they were heading for the hospital's exit. He was almost dancing on his feet, oh so expressive, happiness radiating from him but Madara could barely take his eyes from the floor as he was walking by his side, Obito carefully leading the way, a hand in his back.  
  
"I told you all would go well," Izuna eventually whispered, hugging him tight and closing his fingers at the back of his head, getting his hair a bit messy. "I'm so glad, Madara. I'm so glad."  
  
Izuna then straightened, cupping his cheek and Madara managed a small smile. He was glad as well. But he had so much in mind at the moment.  
  
"What about I invite everyone home tonight ? Mom, dad, the boys. Obito and his husband ?" Izuna looked up at the nurse with a hopeful smile. "So we can celebrate ?"  
  
Madara didn't answer. Obito cleared his throat, after one awkward silence.  
  
"Madara didn't tell you ?" He questioned, in a curious tone. "He's coming to my place, for the evening. Kakashi won't be around so Madara decided to keep me company."  
  
Izuna's smile widened, somehow. Madara wouldn't have thought it possible but it did and he nodded.  
  
"Oh sure," he was quick to say, not seeing the blatant lie it truly was. "Some other night then. Is it alright if I leave him with you now then ?"  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
Izuna hugged him tight. Madara wondered, for an instant, why he was feeling like the child of a divorced couple.  
  
Obito waited for Izuna to be far gone, to wrap an arm around the small of his back and kiss the top of his head. He nuzzled his hair, breathing in deep. And Madara slowly relaxed, shifting so he could push his head against Obito's shoulder, holding back, both arms around his waist, he closed his eyes.  
  
"You can stay the night if you like," Obito offered softly. "Kakashi really is away, you can even sleep in my bed."  
  
"I'm not sharing a bed with you, brat," Madara grumbled but couldn't help smiling at the silly offer.  
  
"Well you're missing out because I happen to be heaven to sleep with," Obito teased, chuckling. "Kakashi always says I'm comfortable as fuck."  
  
"Stop being an idiot."  
  
Obito snorted. Madara hummed.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered with a sigh. "I really need a time off."  
  
"I guessed so. You look terrible."  
  
Madara rolled his eyes so hard he gave himself a headache.

* * *

They spoke during the car ride to Obito's place. Madara didn't even need to be prompted to do so, starting to talk the moment they exited the hospital's parking lot and he might have overdone it, going into lengthy details about how all this was making him feel, how he wished it would have turned but Obito didn't seem to mind the very least.  
  
He didn't interrupt him much. Didn't answer either, not even when they reached Obito's apartment and both sat on the couch, Madara now comfortable enough to place his head on Obito's shoulder without thinking about it. Obito caressed his hair with a distracted hand.  
  
"So, when are you seeing him again ?"  
  
The slight adrenaline rush that went through his heart was unexpected and Madara rubbed his chest slowly, uncomfortable. He grimaced.  
  
"Didn't you hear basically everything I just told you ?" Madara sighed, shaking his head. "I fucked up. I kissed him and he probably freaked out and now, it's all over before it even started."  
  
"But it has started," Obito pointed out. "You two had a date and kissed. And alright, maybe he did freak out. But that's just how some people react."  
  
"It wasn't a date," Madara rolled his eyes and shook his head.  
  
"Wasn't it ? Because he did invite you to his place. Had dinner with you. Walked you out and kissed back. Sounds like a date to me."  
  
Madara blinked, then he looked up at Obito. "Wait, do you think he freaked out because it might have been a date ? And he didn't know how to handle it ?"  
  
"How would I know ?" Obito shrugged his free shoulder. "You know him better than I do."  
  
Madara frowned, for a second. Then, Tobirama's words, from what seemed to be an eternity away, came back to him. How Tobirama had told him that nothing ever was easy to him. Not even talking, but it had been easy around him, when he was out in the coma and how it had seemed to be as well, each time they met. How he said he talked lots, when he knew he was being listened to and how this had been about them in particular.  
  
And so, what if this, all of this, wasn't easy to him ? What it he indeed didn't know how to handle a date ? How to handle feelings he might have ? What if it was why he hadn't answered to him for all that time ? What if he didn't know what to say to begin with ?  
  
"But ..," Obito interrupted his thoughts after a while. "Didn't he do the same after he ended up sleeping in your bed ? Didn't he just leave ?"  
  
"... Oh."  
  
Obito laughed.  
  
"That'd explain things," Madara eventually accepted, deflating a little and his back hunching. "I .. hadn't thought of that."  
  
"It's just my theory," Obito was quick to remind him.  
  
"What am I supposed to do, then ?" Madara sighed. "He hasn't answered any of my texts. And I didn't even dare tell him I was at the hospital today."  
  
"Give it some time ?" Obito smiled softly. "Maybe try yoga. Can't be bad for you."  
  
Madara rolled his eyes so hard it hurt his brain. But he did snicker softly. Maybe it would be a good thing indeed. Wasn't yoga supposed to help people relax somehow ? He could do with that. He totally could.  
  
"A friend of mine has a yoga class if you like, I can give you her number."  
  
"I.. yeah," Madara nodded with a soft smile. "Will you come with me ?"  
  
Obito snorted. "Oh yes. I really want to see you wearing tights."  
  
Which was never going to happen, Madara was sure of it. Why would he wear tights? They surely weren't mandatory for practicing yoga. He didn't want to look as ridiculous as that.  
  
Obito didn't tease him further, though. He kept caressing his hair, his fingers massaging his scalp slowly, his nose buried among locks and the moment was so sweet. Madara couldn't help feeling guilty, feeling like they shouldn't be that close, considering the fact Obito was married and he wanted to pull away but he didn't. Surely, Obito would have told him, had this been inappropriate. Surely he would have pushed him away.  
  
And so he slowly moved, shifting until he could fully hug Obito, in great need for it on the moment, and Obito didn't hesitate when he held him back, humming softly and cupping the back of his head.  
  
A good hug could always do wonders. And Madara felt like he could always count on Obito to deliver.  
  
They remained like this for a long time. Obito caressing the back of his head, Madara all relaxed against him, enjoying the moment so much he didn't want to move anymore. And for an instant, Madara couldn't help wondering if Tobirama would hold him like that, somehow. Oh, they did hug before but this kind of hug was different. It felt intimate and comfortable and gods he wanted was to share this kind of intimacy with the man. He wanted to share so much with him. Everything.  
  
"I never was in love before," Madara eventually admitted, because he needed to talk about it. "Not like this. No so entirely. It's .. disturbing."  
  
"Never ?" Obito repeated and Madara could picture him frown. "Not even once ?"  
  
"I've had crushes. A couple of them. But it's .. different this time," he answered with a shrug. "Even before I woke up, it was different. I .. for the past ten years, all I've cared about was sex and, lately, how to get it quickly. I did think of it as well, about Tobirama. But it didn't last. I .. don't want anyone but him. Hell, I don't even think I'd go after any guy but him, even if I had the chance to."  
  
Obito chuckled.  
  
"Don't laugh at me," Madara pouted.  
  
"I'm not mocking you," Obito kissed the top of his head. "I just find it adorable, how you speak about him. And about how you feel. Reminds me of Kakashi when he admitted his feelings to me."  
  
Madara felt his cheeks heat up slightly, he huffed.  
  
"I still can't believe a brat like you is married," he mumbled.  
  
"Happily married," Obito laughed softly. "And I'm taking Kakashi for another honeymoon next summer. Somewhere warm, with a nice beach so I can see him half naked all day long. It must allow the dogs though. Kakashi can never leave them behind."  
  
Madara smiled, as he pulled himself away from the other man, settling next to him again, made himself comfortable on the couch. He loved hearing more about Obito and his husband, about how happy they were indeed. Obito had taken the habit to be a bit more open about it lately. It made him feel so good, somehow.  
  
Spending the rest of the day, the evening as well as the night with Obito made him feel good as well. To be out of Izuna's place for once. Spend time with a good friend. Madara wasn't stupid, he was aware that he could go out anytime he wanted and do what he liked, it wasn't as if Izuna had locked him up in his place and didn't allow him out but considering the fact he still hadn't dared driving again, he wasn't entirely free either. There were only that many busses to the city and he always had to be careful with the schedules. As for taxis, well. They tended to become quite expensive and he did have some money on his account, he wasn't penniless but he couldn't spend it all in taxis.  
  
Especially if he ever were to move out again, rent his own place, when he'd find a job, go back to a normal life. Or maybe he could stay at Izuna's still, for a while. He wanted to, even if a little voice at the back of his head wouldn't stop telling him that he couldn't parasite Izuna's intimacy this way. Izuna didn't seem bothered with his presence, though. Maybe he could pay a rent to his brother, somehow? But he needed to find a job first.  
  
And sometimes, just sometimes, he couldn't help wondering if he had turned like this because of how lonely he had been, before. For yes, he hated his previous job. He did. A lot, and it had been the main reason why he had needed these nights out, once a month, to release some of the pressure. He had been so stressed, always under the high pressure of his job, fearing the slightest mistake he could make. He would have been fired on the spot for it after all. Things worked like that, in the big banks. But. Going home every evening. Going home to nothing, to his pristine apartment. Oh, he had loved the place but it never was a home. It had been but a showroom he slept in, on occasions.  
  
Living with Izuna had opened his eyes. For, sure, Izuna worked and was often away. But Madara was happy when his brother was around, even if they merely shared a dinner and enjoyed a movie together.  
  
He wasn't sure Izuna wouldn't not tell him if it bothered him if Madara asked if they could live together. He wasn't sure Izuna wouldn't accept it out of duty.  
  
The flat was silent, as Madara was lying on the couch, his head full of thoughts, his entire body relaxed but unable to go to sleep. He was just there, staring at the ceiling, wondering what he was supposed to do, wondering if he should even ask Izuna this. Izuna had done so much for him already, he had given him so much and taken care of him for so long. His parents and their other brothers had helped, too, even if from afar. They didn't live in Konoha, after all, it had been more difficult for them to do anything much but they helped and Madara couldn't begin to thank them for it. But Izuna … Izuna had been a hero, of some sort. His hero.  
  
Maybe he should thank him. Again. He owed him so much.  
  
"Why aren't you sleeping ? It's four in the morning."  
  
The scolding made Madara smile, as he recognized Obito's nurse tone. He knew that tone so well and he looked to the side, where Obito was standing in the doorframe, wearing an old shirt and a pair of boxers, he shrugged.  
  
"What about you ?"  
  
"Got thirsty," Obito huffed. Then he walked closer, he sat on coffee table. "Izuna's going to kill me if you're tired tomorrow, you know that, right ?"  
  
"I'm just…"  
  
Madara shrugged again. Obito breathed out through the nose.  
  
"Alright, move, make some space for me."  
  
"What the..!"  
  
But it was too late. Before Madara could say anything, Obito was pushing him against the backrest, settling on the couch with him, holding him and placing his head down on the same pillow.  
  
"Go to sleep now. No arguing."  
  
"Obito, you can't just .. you are a married man !"  
  
Obito snorted. "Are you planning to jump on me ? No ? Good, so we can sleep together without ambiguity. Now, you just close your eyes and you relax."  
  
"What if …"  
  
"Kakashi knows me. He trusts me with all he has. He'll make us breakfast if he comes home before we wake up."  
  
"You're so weird."  
  
Obito huffed. "And you haven't had a good friend for too long, obviously. Stop talking now and go to sleep."  
  
Madara did as he was told. Not because Obito had told him to. But because he didn't know what to answer to this. To Obito telling him he hadn't have a good friend for too long. It had hit him too close for comfort. Way too close.  
  
And so, he closed his eyes. He fell asleep instantly.  
  
Kakashi woke them up with pancakes and freshly pressed juice.

* * *

Returning to Izuna's place had felt, somehow, different. To be there, to see it as a potential home. Not that anything was decided already but his late night thoughts had opened his eyes on the possibilities. Then again, these would only maybe come true if Izuna was alright with them, meaning they'd have to discuss this before anything else. And Madara dreaded the moment.  
  
Izuna, though, seemed to be in a great mood. His smile easy, obviously well rested. He welcomed him with a short hug, and was quick to announce him the reason of his mood.  
  
"So, Mom and Dad can't come tonight, they have a thing but the boys should show up at some point and Obito and Kakashi already said yes," he explained in one breath. "I thought maybe I could cook but wouldn't be easier if we ordered take out ? Would it be alright for you ?"  
  
"Izuna," Madara sighed, shaking his head. "Don't … we don't need to party because …"  
  
"It's not a party," Izuna defended himself in a huff. "But we can celebrate, can't we ? Isn't it a great news ?"  
  
"It is," Madara conceded. "Just … keep it simple ? Please ?"  
  
"I am," Izuna nodded. "Don't worry, it'll be fine."  
  
Madara wasn't entirely sure about that, he knew his brother and how easy it was to him to overdo basically everything but he didn't comment on it. He was tired. Sure, he slept like a baby from the moment Obito decided to cuddle with him but it didn't mean he had slept nearly enough to feel entirely rested. And he apparently would have to brace himself for the rest of the day as well, as Izuna seemed quite adamant for that party to happen so quickly.  
  
And Madara couldn't say no now. Not if their brothers already were on their way.  
  
"I .. we should talk. At some point," Madara whispered, rubbing his forehead, sighed. "Before everyone arrives."  
  
"Sure," Izuna smiled.  
  
"Not now, though. I'll just nap for a while."  
  
"Obito told me your night was slightly agitated," Izuna nodded. Madara rolled his eyes, wondering if these two really could ever stop texting so much. Not that he minded. But he did feel like they were an old couple and he were their kid. "You go rest. I take care of everything."  
  
"Thank you, Izuna. For .. everything."  
  
Izuna smiled. "Don't ever think l wouldn't do it again."  
  
The windows of his bedroom were ajar, allowing the fresh air of the late morning in, sunlight pouring all over his bed. The view over the garden beautiful and Madara settled in the middle of the bed, slowly stretching, slowly making himself comfortable and he grabbed his favorite pillow, hugged it. It sometimes was easy to forget how much he liked that place, how peaceful it was but to come back after his self introspection of the night had opened his eyes on something important : he loved it here.  
  
Madara was quick to fall asleep, all dressed up. He slept for a couple of hours, woke up again to Izuna knocking at his door.  
  
"Mada," he called softly, pushing the door open. "Are you awake ?"  
  
"Yeah," Madara muttered, stretching, he rubbed his eyes as Izuna sat by his side on the bed and pushed his hair away.  
  
"How do you feel ?" Izuna asked, then he smiled. "You wanted to talk ?"  
  
Madara nodded slowly. He stretched again, feeling like he needed some time to choose his words carefully, feeling like maybe he could have waited a little longer and he cleared his throat.  
  
"I was wondering if …" he hesitated, glanced at Izuna, looked away again. "You can say no. You don't have to feel guilty to say no. But .. when I find a job again, would you .. rent me this bedroom ? So I can .. continue living here for a while ?"  
  
Izuna blinked, then he frowned. Anxiety rose in Madara as he knew it was a bad idea, as he knew he shouldn't have asked and he looked away.  
  
"Are you serious ?" Izuna questioned and he huffed when Madara nodded. "Rent you a room ? What kind of idea is this ?"  
  
"I …"  
  
"You are free to stay for how long as you want," Izuna was quick to state, his tone nothing but serious. "I don't care for money or anything as long as you feel at home."  
  
"Izuna …"  
  
"You don't even have to ask. If you say that you feel better living with me, then it is what we'll do."  
  
Madara looked away. "I don't want to bother."  
  
"You are my brother," Izuna reminded him with a snort. "And I love you. You will never be a bother to me."  
  
Madara couldn't help but smile at the words, comforted and relaxed now. Happy he'd be able to stay here for a longer time, even if he found a job, even if he went back to a more normal life, now the doctors had confirmed that he had recovered well from all that had happened to him. Sharing this place with Izuna was going to be amazing, he knew. It would always remain his brother's place. But it was going to become his home as well, somehow.  
  
"Now, I advise you to get ready because Obito and Kakashi are on their way and the boys have arrived and they're hyper to be able to see you again."  
  
"I'll go take a shower," Madara sighed, rolling his eyes. He did miss his other brothers, he couldn't deny it. Even despite the fact he was never as close with them as he was with Izuna. But he loved them still.  
  
Madara stayed in the bathroom longer than he needed. He was anxious, kind of. He didn't exactly want to be the center of everyone's attention but he was going to be, even if for the afternoon only. It was so early still and Izuna did overdo it, as always, if the smell of apple pie he caught before locking himself up in the bathroom was any hint of it. Izuna's apple pies were a wonder. Madara never understood how his brother managed to make them taste so good.  
  
The water was warm on his shoulders, as Madara was carefully washing his hair, combing his fingers through every kink he could find, hoping to distract himself, even if for a moment. He never was bothered with parties before, obviously. Right the contrary, as he had loved seeing people watch him dancing back at the club but this, all this felt foreign to him, as if it never really happened. The Madara from before felt like a complete stranger now and he had lived so sheltered at Izuna's place lately, barely seeing people, enjoying his time alone, even with how bored he could get, getting to know who he was now. Partying never seemed that embarrassing before, but maybe it was because this party was about him, this time. And Madara wasn't sure it would be the kind of party he went to before the accident. He wasn't sure there would be alcohol at all. Izuna liked having a drink, once in a while. Madara hadn't drunk one drop of alcohol since that last night at the club.  
  
His hair never was as smooth as when he exited the shower and wrapped himself in a fluffy towel, when he sat on the bathtub's edge and sighed.  
  
He was being ridiculous, he was well aware of it. But his therapist did say it was a normal feeling, that anxiety, considering the great changes in his life. That it would pass or, at least, decrease with time. That he didn't need to worry too much about it.  
  
The living room, when Madara finally built the courage to get dressed, dry his hair and exit the bathroom, was lively. In one glance, Madara saw his brothers chatting there, Obito helping Izuna with whatever he was doing, Madara couldn't see from where he was. Kakashi casually hanging there with his brothers. It was a shame his parents couldn't come, Madara would have been happy to see them, but oh well, it would be for another time, he thought as he walked to his older brothers and hugged them in turns, closing his eyes, because of how intense these hugs were, how they needed them as much as he did. Gods, he had missed them so much, and they missed him as well.  
  
"Long time no see," Obito was quick to grab his attention when he returned from wherever he had been with Izuna, hugging him as well and Madara snorted, shaking his head. "Want a drink ? I can prepare you a cocktail. Non alcoholic."  
  
"Please," Madara breathed out, then he sighed. "First you share the couch with me, now you're offering me drinks. Kakashi should keep an eye on you."  
  
Obito laughed, rubbing the back of his head, he smirked at him. "You're cute but my heart is his."  
  
Obito prepared him a cocktail, making sure to make it as sweet as he could without it turning disgusting and Madara sat on the couch, sipping slowly, glancing at Obito who soon was asking for Kakashi to hold him. And he couldn't deny it, these two were adorable together.  
  
Having all his brothers reunited again was making Madara feel great. To see the four of them there, in Izuna's comfortable living room, to watch them talk and laugh and be happy in general. Gods, Madara couldn't stop watching them, as much as he couldn't stop wondering how much they feared for him, back when he was in the coma. How they probably thought he would never wake up or, if he did, that he wouldn't be the same anymore. Which had happened, in a way, Madara was nothing like the man he used to be but it was a good thing. He knew it was and he wouldn't go back to who he was before under any circumstances.  
  
Evening came slowly and Madara was mostly silent, for all that time. Tired, in a way, happy enough with being there without having to interact much with people, happy they all came for him, to celebrate his last check-up and how all this was officially over now. Sure, he still would be seeing his therapist and there might be days he wouldn't feel too good but at least, his body had healed, and his hair was growing back nicely as well, hiding that scar at the side of his head, even if not entirely. Izuna had settled by his side, wrapped an arm around his shoulder, he was holding him close and Madara didn't want to move, half drifting.  
  
That was until there was a knock, echoing all around, quick but firm and his head perked up slightly, he frowned.  
  
"Ah, that must be the pizzas I ordered," Izuna smiled, rubbing the space between his shoulder to help him relax again. "Can you go get them ? They're already paid for. I'll get plates for everybody."  
  
"Sure," Madara whispered with a shrug. Fresh air would help him wake up a little better for the rest of the night. And walking to the door, even with how short the distance was, allowed him to stretch as well.  
  
But Madara could have never prepared himself for the sight he was met with when he opened the front door. Nothing could have prepared him for it and he found himself breathless, frozen on the spot, half wondering if he hadn't fallen asleep earlier and now was dreaming.  
  
Tobirama, was gorgeous. He always was, with his light colored hair and his beautiful eyes, and the freckles strangely standing out tonight and gods, just with how taller than him he was. But. Gorgeous couldn't begin to describe him, at the moment. He was dreamy. Right out of a dream indeed and Madara's breathing hitch, reminding him that he needed air but he did not move. He couldn't. What if he moved and Tobirama disappeared?  
  
"Hi," Tobirama breathed out, casting his eyes away for a second, then looking up again.  
  
"Hi," Madara articulated, but he wasn't sure he was heard as his voice failed him. It made Tobirama smile, even if slightly.  
  
"Here," he said, grabbing his free hand, squeezing his fingers and Madara was surprised with how warm that hand was. How familiar it felt under his.  
  
"What .. are you doing here ?"  
  
The question was all Madara could think about. He wasn't sure he had wanted to ask but it was too late now.  
  
"Your brother sent a text. He told me you all would be celebrating your last check up. That I was invited."  
  
Madara frowned, confused. Had Izuna searched his phone to retrieve Tobirama's number ? But, somehow, he remembered Izuna telling him how his doctor had sent him news of his health, how he had kept him updating.  
  
"You didn't tell me you were at the hospital yesterday."  
  
"You never answered my texts," Madara whispered and he stepped closer, slowly relaxing now he was getting over his initial surprise. Gods, he never expected to see Tobirama show up here. "I thought that you wouldn't want to see me again."  
  
"I needed time. To process it all," Tobirama explained. He offered an apologetic smile, his free fingers pushing stray strands of hair behind his ear. Madara shivered so hard it almost hurt.  
  
"Three weeks," he chided lightly. Tobirama looked away, his cheeks tinted with pink. "It is a long time."  
  
"Sorry," Tobirama whispered. His fingers followed one particular strand of hair, he wrapped his arms around his neck, pulled him closer slightly. Hesitant. Careful. Silently asking his consent.  
  
"Am I such a bad kisser ?"  
  
Tobirama snorted. He hummed, nuzzling his hair. "You are an amazing kisser. But I am a slow pacer."  
  
"How slow ?"  
  
"Around three weeks slow, I'd say," Tobirama laughed lightly and Madara closed his eyes, at how delightful the sound was, he hugged back, both arms around Tobirama's waist, pushing his head against his shoulder.  
  
"So what am I supposed to do then ?" Madara questioned, only half serious. "Should I wait another three weeks ?"  
  
"You could kiss me now, first," Tobirama sighed softly. "Then, I'll see."  
  
Madara didn't waste a second, when one of his hands grabbed the back of Tobirama's head and he pulled him down for one deep, needy kiss. Gods, it was ridiculous, how he wanted nothing but him, no one but him, and he had wanted it so much, he had craved for him so much that he could barely hold back. Not that Tobirama seemed to mind, as he kissed back just as eagerly, as he hummed lightly against his lips and pulled his hair a little as his fingers clenched on his clothes.  
  
But his smile was wide when Madara pulled back, gorgeous and the way Tobirama was looking at him, like he was the most beautiful thing in his world. It made his heart jerk in his chest, or it felt as such anyways and he couldn't help chuckling.  
  
"So ?"  
  
"We're going to need to kiss a lot more," Tobirama stated in a serious tone, fingers combing his hair slowly. "And maybe see each other more often."  
  
"Well, that could have happened, had you answered my texts," Madara rolled his eyes, playful.  
  
"Can I just say I was busy with work ?" Tobirama offered, kissing his hair.  
  
"For three weeks ? Non-stop ? You're going to need a better excuse than that," Madara sighed, shaking his head. "Because I totally spoke about you with my brother and Obito and they'll probably hold it against you."  
  
"I can do with that."  
  
Madara smiled. Tobirama pulled him into another kiss, softer, this time, pushing his back against the doorframe, his fingers playing with his hair as if he couldn't get enough of it and Madara felt himself melting.  
  
He hadn't imagined this possible, not even last night when he spoke of it with Obito. But here he was now, kissing the man he was in love with and it was feeling so great, so amazingly perfect.  
  
"Are you guys finished ? Because I've heated up dinner and it'll burn if I leave it in the oven for a second longer !"  
  
Izuna's far away voice had Madara groan against Tobirama's lips, who didn't seem to care the slightest about it, as he continued to kiss him with no care in the world.  
  
"We should …"  
  
"Mh, probably," Tobirama mumbled, kissing him behind the ear when Madara reluctantly turned his head away.  
  
"You're coming in, yes ?"  
  
"Why do you think I'm here ?" Tobirama smirked. "I sure didn't come just to kiss you and leave afterwards."  
  
"They're going to tease us a lot," Madara warned, as seriously as he could.  
  
Tobirama straightened, his eyes never leaving his, he grabbed his hand again, pushed the front door without a hesitation and joined Izuna in the kitchen to help him with dinner after he quickly saluted the people waiting in the living room.  
  
Madara was left to stare after him. Tired but happy. Until Obito did decide to start teasing him, with "I told you so"'s and "why are you blushing" and "He looks at you like you're the most beautiful man he's ever seen". But Madara couldn't care less for the teasing. Why would he care, when Tobirama was holding his hand.  
  
Why would he care, when the man he was in love with was sitting by his side and kept looking at him the way he was ?

* * *


End file.
